crashed from halo-halo

I haven't been writing anything cheerful here as of late. It's always something depressing or I always find something to complain about. It's the blog no one knows about or no one reads. It's the blog that I think the rest of the world has a better chance of finding. And I don't care.

It's insane how I can crash this hard from Chowking Halo-halo.

I'm looking for depressing music cause I love how it makes me feel. I am such a masochist. Grade school days, anyone? I remember something Ms. Quesada told me when I went back to my high school, "You were a really troubled/depressed person back in high school, noh?" Was I really? I don't think so. Although I really should know better than to listen to Ms. Quesada..

I lost my train of thought cause I was busy updating lj. Boo.

this red book

This red book by pinback is such a beautiful beautiful song. I honestly have no idea what the song means, cause Pinback's lyrics are incomprehensible that way, but I love how it depresses me. I love the Uh-oh in the song, as if, yes, it were really meant. I've been downloading new music again, yey for me! I really need an mp3 player or something. I want to make playlists and organize my music. By genre, by solo/band, by male/female/lgbt, by country, by decade...

shut up

I really should shut up. Right about now. I jinxed myself.

going back on what i said

In reference to my previous post, what comes with mellow-ness and peace is this sometimes insane desire for my life to just HAPPEN.

Something is always happening to someone, so why can't it be me?

hush now

After our medyo inuman at Cantina and on the way to the MRT station, Mico asked if I was tired. Maybe it had something to do with the sudden silence in his car, as opposed to all the screaming and shouting we did in Cantina. Kasi namannnnnnnnn... haha another story for another day. Pero anyway, I couldn't really find a reason for my silence so I just told him, "Ah, hindi. Napaisip lang ako." About what? Mostly about the latter part of what was said in Cantina. Then I told him it was just nice to hear and listen to all those things being said (yes, I'm being very vague here). We both laughed and agreed that yup, it is very healthy to let things out and just vent and just let people (whether they're your friends or complete strangers) knock some sense in your head.

So anyway, I just realized why I was so quiet then. (I get these really late realizations-- they happen when I don't need them haha) My life has definitely mellowed out in recent times. There's a (lot) less of everything-- less action, less "alam-mo-ba-kung-ano-nangyari-sakin??" moments, less craziness, less violence (huwa??)... But hopefully, no less laughter nor life. (Ang labo ng sentence na yun, but I really should stop giving myself side comments). And guess what. I kind of like it this way. I like this mellow-ness. I like how my life has definitely plateau-d these past few days/weeks/months. True, I still look for adventure and something new and crazy and fun and stupid to do, but I think I've stayed away from actually doing that.

I think I've become boring, but with it comes this sort of peace/contentment with how things are. Not completely contented of course-- I still get those sudden drop in EQ points feeling-- but maybe this is just what I need. After everything that's happened-- information, sensory and emotional overload.

Or well, is this the calm before the storm?