Over you...
I'm never over, over you..."
Saturday, July 30, 2005
optimistic
after today's UPCAT review in E. Rondon High School, i have just come to the conclusion that i am too optimistic. I'm so optimistic about everything that even when shit happens right in front of me, I'll probably still find something good to say about it.
I can think of a thousand reasons why there's nothing wrong with being optimistic, then again, it can always work against me. I could just forget about the glaring reality of things and tell myself, "Everything will be alright in the end."
Cases in point (from today's upcat review):
... not enough members attended
... 50+ tokens to be finished in three hours
... students were restless
... tutors lost their patience so often
... supposedly solemn event backfired on us
... no answer key for english questionnaire
... repeating the same lesson over and over again
and my only comment: "I'm happy for the students. I'm hopeful for them."
God lei, could you be any more blind??
I can think of a thousand reasons why there's nothing wrong with being optimistic, then again, it can always work against me. I could just forget about the glaring reality of things and tell myself, "Everything will be alright in the end."
Cases in point (from today's upcat review):
... not enough members attended
... 50+ tokens to be finished in three hours
... students were restless
... tutors lost their patience so often
... supposedly solemn event backfired on us
... no answer key for english questionnaire
... repeating the same lesson over and over again
and my only comment: "I'm happy for the students. I'm hopeful for them."
God lei, could you be any more blind??
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Father JBoy's Homily
TRUE KINSHIP
This passage seems tragic: not Jesus' nearest or dearest relatives were rejected by Jesus, saying "my mother and brothers are those who do the will of my Father in heaven." However, we also see that Jesus' nearest and dearest relatives did not quite understand him. In John 7:5, we read that "Even his brothers did not believe in him" and in Mark 3:21, we encpunter that his friends tried to restrain him, for they said that he was mad. He seemed to them that Jesus was throwing his life away with what he was doing.
Nevertheless, Jesus presents to us a practical truth: that we actually find ourselves closer to people who do not belong to our kinsfolk. the reality is that sometimes the deepest friendships are not blood relationships. They are relationships with whoever connects to us: mind to mind, heart to heart. They are with people who share our common interests, common goals, common princicples, or those who complement them. Thus there are friends who like each other's company because they are of opposit poles. It is in sharing that they become kith and kin.
So today, let me present to you several themes and see who among your acquaintances-- or relatives for that matter-- fall under people who you consider kith and kin. What constitutes kith and kin?
1. Family background
My friend knows something about my family background. He has visited my home, knows some of my siblings, or just heard me talk about my childhood and adolescent years. He has some understanding of why I am the way I am.
Does my friend know my family history?
2. My current life situation
My friend knows what is going on in my life here and now, my joys and my struggles in living everyday life, my worries and what occupies my time.
Which among my friends are most familiar with my current life situation?
3. My innermost desires
My friend knows about my goals, directions and more importantly my desires as a person. As i share with him these desires, he is willing to offer encouragement, clarification and when necessary, challenge.
Which among my friends do i turn to when needing to share the deeper longings of my heart?
From St. Francis Xavier to St. Ignatius of Loyola: Your Holy Charity (Ignatius) writes to me of the great desires which you have to see me before you leave this life. God our Lord knows the impression which these words of great love made upon my soul and how many tears they cost me every time I remember them.
4. My negative feelings
With a friend, I am more willing to ventilate and share my negative feelings or doubts about a wide variety of matters. I feel "safe" in sharing such concerns and feelings.
Whom among my friends do I trust enough to freely share my negative feelings?
5. Wishing the good of the other
I genuinely wish the good of my friend. If his "good" means our separation geographically or even his departure from my barkada, then, even if it costs me personal pain, I wish it for him.
Do my actions and attitudes convey to my friend a genuine desire for what is best for him?
6. Challenge
I am more comfortable (as is my friend) when we do this with one another, since our life histories together grant permission for such mutual intrusion. To challenge one another for both of us to grow.
How comfortable am I with lovingly challenge and giving feedback as well as acepting challenge and feedback from my friend?
7. Positive feelings
The predominant feeling emanating from this friendship is positive: a friend stirs in my feelings of joy and gratitude. In turn, my positive feelings become my motivatiing factors that energize my endeavotrs, my studies and other relationships.
Do my positive feelings when experiencing this friendship leave me more grateful for my life?
8. Discreet silence
Just as we might know what to say to a friend, we also know what not to say. Part of friendship is an awareness of what need not be mentioned or discussed. This is totally different from the common notion that one becomes a friend unless one shares "everything" and "every little secret."
When with my friend, do I have an intuitive sense of what not to say as well as what to say? Do I abstain from raising certain issues that need not be mentioned at that time, and perhaps need best to postpone it some other time when my friend is ready for it?
9. Disclosing personal secrets
My friend knows things about my life that are reserved for a select few.
What do I share with my friend? Do I know him as well as I would like to? Are there areas that we avoid speaking about?
10. Spiritual life.
We engage in spiritual conversation, encourage one another to speak of matters that concern faith and the longings of our souls that include each other's spiritual struggles and desires. This friendship enriches my solitude, for it leads me to be more self-aware and creative about my life and desires.
With whom in my numerous friends can I share my spiritual life? How am I different now because of this friend of mine?
In sum, the notion of friendship is an extraordinarily rich one. Ultimately, they must be experienced and risked in the daily ins and outs of our lives, lives that incorporate and share our joys, hurts, hopes and sorrows of being human. There is a reason why Jesus calls us his friends, his "mother and brothers and sisters to him." St. Robert Southwell, SJ wrote as follows: "If you love a friend so much, if he or she is so attractive that everything he asks of you, you would agree to; and if it is so sweet to sit and talk with him, decribe your mishaps to him-- then with so much more trust should you betake yourself to God, the God of goodness, converse with him, show him your weakness and distress, for He has greater care of you that you have of yourself, indeed He is more intimately you than you are.
St. Robert Southwell, SJ, affirms that there is indeed something in our experience of friendship that brings us closer to the Lord, for every experience of friendship provides us with a taste of heaven-- just as Jesus said, "Whoever does the will of the Father is brother, sister and friend to me."
This passage seems tragic: not Jesus' nearest or dearest relatives were rejected by Jesus, saying "my mother and brothers are those who do the will of my Father in heaven." However, we also see that Jesus' nearest and dearest relatives did not quite understand him. In John 7:5, we read that "Even his brothers did not believe in him" and in Mark 3:21, we encpunter that his friends tried to restrain him, for they said that he was mad. He seemed to them that Jesus was throwing his life away with what he was doing.
Nevertheless, Jesus presents to us a practical truth: that we actually find ourselves closer to people who do not belong to our kinsfolk. the reality is that sometimes the deepest friendships are not blood relationships. They are relationships with whoever connects to us: mind to mind, heart to heart. They are with people who share our common interests, common goals, common princicples, or those who complement them. Thus there are friends who like each other's company because they are of opposit poles. It is in sharing that they become kith and kin.
So today, let me present to you several themes and see who among your acquaintances-- or relatives for that matter-- fall under people who you consider kith and kin. What constitutes kith and kin?
1. Family background
My friend knows something about my family background. He has visited my home, knows some of my siblings, or just heard me talk about my childhood and adolescent years. He has some understanding of why I am the way I am.
Does my friend know my family history?
2. My current life situation
My friend knows what is going on in my life here and now, my joys and my struggles in living everyday life, my worries and what occupies my time.
Which among my friends are most familiar with my current life situation?
3. My innermost desires
My friend knows about my goals, directions and more importantly my desires as a person. As i share with him these desires, he is willing to offer encouragement, clarification and when necessary, challenge.
Which among my friends do i turn to when needing to share the deeper longings of my heart?
From St. Francis Xavier to St. Ignatius of Loyola: Your Holy Charity (Ignatius) writes to me of the great desires which you have to see me before you leave this life. God our Lord knows the impression which these words of great love made upon my soul and how many tears they cost me every time I remember them.
4. My negative feelings
With a friend, I am more willing to ventilate and share my negative feelings or doubts about a wide variety of matters. I feel "safe" in sharing such concerns and feelings.
Whom among my friends do I trust enough to freely share my negative feelings?
5. Wishing the good of the other
I genuinely wish the good of my friend. If his "good" means our separation geographically or even his departure from my barkada, then, even if it costs me personal pain, I wish it for him.
Do my actions and attitudes convey to my friend a genuine desire for what is best for him?
6. Challenge
I am more comfortable (as is my friend) when we do this with one another, since our life histories together grant permission for such mutual intrusion. To challenge one another for both of us to grow.
How comfortable am I with lovingly challenge and giving feedback as well as acepting challenge and feedback from my friend?
7. Positive feelings
The predominant feeling emanating from this friendship is positive: a friend stirs in my feelings of joy and gratitude. In turn, my positive feelings become my motivatiing factors that energize my endeavotrs, my studies and other relationships.
Do my positive feelings when experiencing this friendship leave me more grateful for my life?
8. Discreet silence
Just as we might know what to say to a friend, we also know what not to say. Part of friendship is an awareness of what need not be mentioned or discussed. This is totally different from the common notion that one becomes a friend unless one shares "everything" and "every little secret."
When with my friend, do I have an intuitive sense of what not to say as well as what to say? Do I abstain from raising certain issues that need not be mentioned at that time, and perhaps need best to postpone it some other time when my friend is ready for it?
9. Disclosing personal secrets
My friend knows things about my life that are reserved for a select few.
What do I share with my friend? Do I know him as well as I would like to? Are there areas that we avoid speaking about?
10. Spiritual life.
We engage in spiritual conversation, encourage one another to speak of matters that concern faith and the longings of our souls that include each other's spiritual struggles and desires. This friendship enriches my solitude, for it leads me to be more self-aware and creative about my life and desires.
With whom in my numerous friends can I share my spiritual life? How am I different now because of this friend of mine?
In sum, the notion of friendship is an extraordinarily rich one. Ultimately, they must be experienced and risked in the daily ins and outs of our lives, lives that incorporate and share our joys, hurts, hopes and sorrows of being human. There is a reason why Jesus calls us his friends, his "mother and brothers and sisters to him." St. Robert Southwell, SJ wrote as follows: "If you love a friend so much, if he or she is so attractive that everything he asks of you, you would agree to; and if it is so sweet to sit and talk with him, decribe your mishaps to him-- then with so much more trust should you betake yourself to God, the God of goodness, converse with him, show him your weakness and distress, for He has greater care of you that you have of yourself, indeed He is more intimately you than you are.
St. Robert Southwell, SJ, affirms that there is indeed something in our experience of friendship that brings us closer to the Lord, for every experience of friendship provides us with a taste of heaven-- just as Jesus said, "Whoever does the will of the Father is brother, sister and friend to me."
Monday, July 18, 2005
and so it begins once again...
trying to pretend everything's ok when it's really not.. dammit. not at all.
trying
i'm taking full advantage of this night.. no homework, no exams, no projects. nada. why is it that i can only write about what i truly feel here? haha, no livejournal people to read this.
i really hate this feeling. every time i think i'm ok, it suddenly dawns on me that i'm really not.
random stuff that i really wanna say to.. whoever.
why can't i be happy for you? what do you need me for? why the hell do you stay?
especially for you what did you need me for? why did you have to do that and make me feel that way? did it even mean anything to you? i just want to know that one thing. that's it, then i can go on with my life.
i'm trying to understand why i've been feeling this way for the longest time. i think i'm pretty happy with life and how it's turning out. other than the fact that i think i'm probably failing chem, life is turning out to be pretty ok. so why all this unwanted stress, unnecessary feelings, repeated mood swings?
arrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh...
bahala na nga.
i really hate this feeling. every time i think i'm ok, it suddenly dawns on me that i'm really not.
random stuff that i really wanna say to.. whoever.
why can't i be happy for you? what do you need me for? why the hell do you stay?
especially for you what did you need me for? why did you have to do that and make me feel that way? did it even mean anything to you? i just want to know that one thing. that's it, then i can go on with my life.
i'm trying to understand why i've been feeling this way for the longest time. i think i'm pretty happy with life and how it's turning out. other than the fact that i think i'm probably failing chem, life is turning out to be pretty ok. so why all this unwanted stress, unnecessary feelings, repeated mood swings?
arrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh...
bahala na nga.
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