So you're right there. And I'm right here. So what's the problem? This is a game that only I may be playing. And I never stick to my convictions. Being unable to figure it out when it's already there. How hard can it be, right?

Motor Learning and Performance by Richard Schmidt: It's the third stage of learning. The most changes and adjustments occur during the first two stages. It's the third stage that's the most difficult. It's where mastery of the skill and automaticity develops, but adjustments made are less obvious than the first two stages.

And that other minor detail? Oh yeah. That kind of crossed my mind. But then again, not really.

this is a surprise

Ignorance is bliss. Or so I thought. Or so I believe.
False hope is better than no hope at all.

Really?

Welcome back to reality. I've never been much of a grades person. I always thought my grades reflected how much I've learned. Really?

Or they usually reflected my interest in the subject.

Really?

Is everything proportional or inversely proportional? I have no trends when it comes to my grades. I thought I was doing ok, enough to stay afloat. Now I just realized I have to fight for my life. Find some loophole somewhere, do something to make up for all that. One year. One year makes all the fucking difference.

To be honest, I think I've forgotten how to react to certain things. I'm so devoid of emotion lately. Everything has just been... OK. My grades (some low, some high, unexpected surprises), org stuff (really I should be feeling the pressure now), friendships / relationships (is that really what I want?) and that should be all good, right? I can't deal with stuff being just OK. There's nothing there. It's like you're just hanging around waiting for something to happen to you before you actually do something. I'm standing on this insanely straight line, standing in the middle of nowhere. Standing in the middle. There's just no direction.

For someone who thrives on emotions, I seem to have forgotten what they actually are.

would you rather?

Would you rather know or not know?

no
know
don't know

blank but i want to ramble. person(s) in my head. always one and not the other. always the other but never the one.

i don't know. the only thing that we fear is a missed opportunity. lost.

i think too little then think too much. i think.

or not think. or i must be crazy.

how about that bottomless glass eh? why not.

this is not what you think it is. really. i'm fine. i just get emotional when i go on dvd marathons. when i'm out of myself, that's when i feel something. and i'm not supposed to feel those. because i'm fine. life is. fine. and i don't know why. why we hate being content. why we always want something more when it's already there. again, this is not what you think. it's the damn song's fault this time. why we can't just accept things as they are. and then we end up taking those things for granted.

and i'm crazy. i really am.