this is a surprise

Ignorance is bliss. Or so I thought. Or so I believe.
False hope is better than no hope at all.

Really?

Welcome back to reality. I've never been much of a grades person. I always thought my grades reflected how much I've learned. Really?

Or they usually reflected my interest in the subject.

Really?

Is everything proportional or inversely proportional? I have no trends when it comes to my grades. I thought I was doing ok, enough to stay afloat. Now I just realized I have to fight for my life. Find some loophole somewhere, do something to make up for all that. One year. One year makes all the fucking difference.

To be honest, I think I've forgotten how to react to certain things. I'm so devoid of emotion lately. Everything has just been... OK. My grades (some low, some high, unexpected surprises), org stuff (really I should be feeling the pressure now), friendships / relationships (is that really what I want?) and that should be all good, right? I can't deal with stuff being just OK. There's nothing there. It's like you're just hanging around waiting for something to happen to you before you actually do something. I'm standing on this insanely straight line, standing in the middle of nowhere. Standing in the middle. There's just no direction.

For someone who thrives on emotions, I seem to have forgotten what they actually are.