faith

“faith… it’s an abstract concept… it’s uhh… it’s um.. it’s not easy to describe… it’s um… it’s not something you can touch, feel-- sense… but it’s there…”

how can you describe an abstract concept? it’s like asking a painter to paint a white egg on white sheet without using any white paint. [courtesy of All American Girl by Meg Cabot]

“why is there suffering?”

“Haay…I don’t know.. You know, the answer to that question has eluded me for so long… I thought I had an answer to that…”

“Wala lang… Na-bother kasi talaga ako sa tanong na yan eh..”

“Yeah… ako rin, actually… Um… Hmm.. Naalala ko lang sinabi ng prof ko dati.. may nagtanong sa kanya

‘why do bad things happen to people?’

sabi niya ‘simply because there are bad people’.. I don’t know if it makes any sense.. at that time it did, though…”

“aaahhh…”

“Ah, wait... may naalala ako… Someone gave me this line, when I asked him to answer that question about suffering, from A Walk to Remember, of all movies! Sabi niya, ‘there can be no compassion if there is no suffering.’”

“yeah.. well, tell that to those who suffer…”

“Yeah…”

long day

I hate the straight-backed chairs of ordinary buses
I hate window seats with no armrests
I hate cubao ibabaws
I hate crossing ibabaws too
… even if that’s where I get off
I hate walking from the intersection to the end of the flyover looking for a pasig palengke/simbahan/pineda/san joaquin jeep
I hate carrying a jacket when I don’t need it
I hate high school coños partying in front of our house when the party is next door
I hate eating cold beefsteak
I equally hate eating cold rice
I hate eating crumbs from an 8 oz can of ketchup-flavored piknik
I hate eating sour lansones
I hate eating warm buko pie on a wet plate

what can I say?
it’s been a long day..

something from friendster

Message: QUOTED FROM A POST
OF AN
ATENEAN:

"I PASSED UPCAT AND IM AN ATENEAN.my
course was European Lang,a course
exclusively
for good speakers.i have a blockm8 who
passed
Broadcomm,a course exclusive to vales and
salus.There are so many ateneans who
passed
the UPCAT but opted to get QUALITY
EDUCATION and to stay within A SAFE
ENVIRONMENT.simple things but enough
for
us
to choose ADMU over UP . i chose to pay for
my
tuition fee because i want to be sure that I'LL
HAVE A FUTURE.a bright one at that.

-->nakakatawa. Humor brought to you by
ignorance(wink wink).
-Newo

-->ipinaglalaban naming mga iskolar ng
bayan
ang
mga karapatan ninyo: pati kayong mga
elitista at
kapitalista na kung tutuusin ang dahilan
kung bakit
hindi umaasenso ang bansa. binubuwis
namin
ang buhay namin para sa interes ng
sambayanan.
at kung para sa'yo kalokohan ito, kung
pinapababa nito ang pagtingin mo sa'min,
lumipat
ka na sa ibang bansa. hindi ka dapat
maging
Pilipino. -j.n.


--> ito'y isinulat ng isang atenista. hindi ko
alam
kung anong mararamdaman ko nung ito'y
binasa
ko. oo hindi kaayaaya ang kapaligiran, hindi
kasing garbo ng ADMU and UP. iba talaga
tayo
sa kanila. pero para magbitiw siya ng mga
paratang na tulad ng inihayag niya, sapul sa
buto
ang insulto na nilalaman nito. hindi porket
bulok
ang gamit natin, magulo sa campus natin ay
wala
na tayong mararating balang araw. ang tao
ang
gumagawa ng ikaasenso ng buhay niya.
pinagaaral tayo ng taong bayan, handa
tayong
itaguyod. SERVE THE PEOPLE, ika nga
paggraduate. para maibalik naman sa taong
bayan ang kanilang pinaghirapan. iskolar
ako ng
bayan, handa akong lumaban... kahit ang
pang
sabihin nila... hindi nila mapapantayan ang
tiyaga
at hirap na nararanasan ng mga taga UP
para
lang makapagtapos at itaguyod ang
kanilang
sarili.

i have to raise critical issues (punto por
punto) regarding the deregatory remarks
said by this whoever atenean. first, EL is not
for solely for good speakers. i know
someone who is not even an eloqueant
speaker but made it to the top honors when
she graduated with such a degree. am not
sure how he (or she) was able toa come up
with the notion that EL is merely for good
speakers. we have speech communication
and english studies dear. well, back in high
school i was the extemporaneous speaker
of
the year in english but my course was in UP
was not EL but english studies. mind u, i
have remarkable grades! second, broadcom
is not exclusively designed for vales and
salus. i have a lot of friends from broad com
who were not even in the top honors in high
school but are making it great in their
course.
with ur flimsy assumptions for these simple
things, it goes without saying that u don't
know anything bout the UP system, simply
because u belong to the OTHERS! one thing
that keeps on bogging me, u said that u
passed UPCAT with EL as ur course and ur
claiming that it's a course for good
speakersa. are u one? f u are, am
challenging u for a speaking duello. let's see
where it will take u. and plsssss, don't ever
assume that ateneo has a better quality
education than UP. take this, UP has
financial scarcity, however, while we still
make it to the top in the board exams. our
chemical engineering students and others
taking science courses aren't dependent on
machines to have better results in their lab
tests, u people are so dependent on
gadgets! we use our brains to process
things! how bout u people from OTHERS?
and excuse me, UP is always the priority of
the companies. of course, we don't have
uncles who are business tycoons to back us
up. we have brains though, much bigger
than
yours. it will take us places. u bet!

o! anong say mo?
to the UP students Iknow and love-
I don't believe we should take offense from
sentiments such as these. Yes, maybe our
university is lacking in facilities and funding, but
what we lack in resources we make up for in
ingenuity, determination, hard work and realistic
sensibilities. I go to school everyday admiring the
people who have to support themselves and
maintain their grades at the same time. Truth be
told, I can afford to go to other universities but I
will never sacrifice the real lessons I've learned
since I entered our beloved university. It's not all
about achievements, grades and who has the
better professors, papers or LCD projectors.
University life prepares us for life outside our little
shells. It is what shapes us and the future of our
country. Instead of being insulted by a future
ignorant atenean, let us take pride in the fact that
the future of our country, the people who truly love
our country, the real Filipinos are from UP. I'm not
saying that ateneans aren't real Filipinos. I just feel
that we as UP students have a head start on what
life as a Filipino is really like. Our problems are as
real as the problems of our nation. And that's why
reading a message from someone who makes
assertions from the outside and someone who will
probably never understand, simply amuses me. I
hope this person will grow up someday. Dear future
atenean(because you are an incoming freshman),
the motto of your future school is "Live simply so
that others may simply live". Let's hope you learn
that lesson by the time you finish your quality
education.

love always,
Denise

626

its 1130 am, Saturday and I have a splitting headache. Hangover, actually. I came from bahay ganid where I drank til I dropped as always. But before that was the 626 concert of campus radio 97.1 wls fm. Fun, fun. I was actually waiting for these bands to perform: KJWAN, sugarfree, bamboo, boldstar and imago. I wasn’t sure if boldstar would be performing there though, I left in the middle of imago’s performance, and KJWAN was the first to perform when the concert started at 6 pm. I was in First Friday Mass at the time.

“O, kay tagal din kitang minahal…
O, kay tagal din kitang mamahalin…
O, mamahalin….”

These were the first words that came out of Ebe Dancel’s mouth that I heard when I entered the Bahay ng Alumni while waiting in Choc Kiss for them or anyone of the four bands that I mentioned to perform. I rushed into the crowd, not caring that all these jologs rocker dudes were throwing themselves at each other. I don’t care. I love sugarfree. I didn’t know how loud I was singing until some guy from the crowd puts a makeshift microphone in front of my mouth. What the hell? It was amusing/scary.

“Alam mo ba… kanina pa ako magdamag na nakatingin sa yo…”

When Ebe sang the first line of Mariposa at an incredibly slow tempo and a capella, I nearly freaked out. Goosebumps rose all over my body and my hair was standing on end. Especially when Ebe Dancel starts scream/singing into the microphone making him sound so desperate and so freaking sincere. At that point, I suddenly didn’t mind that rocker guys were shoving and throwing themselves at each other. I didn’t mind that their sweat was clinging to my pores. I didn’t mind that I was always in danger of joining the mosh pit. Ididn’t mind that I was at the semi-back of the crowd. I didn’t mind that I only caught the last few snippets of Burnout. Anything to hear them play this song live. Anything to see them live, period.

“Nagsisisi… nagising sa katotohanan di ka naman talaga akin..”

That’s part of the song Mariposa, only because I don’t know the lyrics of Sinta. That was the last song in their set. As they were exiting the stage, people started chanting “bamboo! Bamboo! Bamboo!” over and over again. Hello, pwede ba? Konting respeto naman sa Sugarfree. I mean, no offense to Bamboo, I love them and all, but Sugarfree is a great band with a huge following too, they don’t need to hear that shit while exiting the stage. I remember something Marc Abaya told us when Anth and I were interviewing KJWAN for the PUGAD Sayk Acle. What they hate about crowds is when in the middle of some band’s performance, the audience suddenly chants “Keso! Keso! Keso!” (for Cheese). “With respect to Cheese and all, we love them, they’re great and all, but that’s showing so much disrespect.” Something along those lines. As much as I love Bamboo, please, a little respect to Sugarfree wouldn’t hurt.

“Ang pag-ibig ganyan talaga… masaya.”

Bamboo had this certain effect on the crowd. I thought the crowd was already crazy when Sugarfree performed, but no. It was a sight to see when Bamboo performed. Every lyric in their 3-song set was chanted by the crowd. The once non-existent girls in the crowd suddenly came alive when Bamboo started singing and especially when Ira had his guitar solo. Oh, did I mention that we were able to get the autographs of Bamboo? Because Mia and Tong were waiting in Choc Kiss for us during the early performances. After being tired of getting caught in the crossfire of all the mosh pits, chatz, kat, au and I decided to go to Choco Kiss. When we arrived, guess what: Bamboo and South Border were there. I’m not exactly a fan of South Border so I didn’t really bother getting their autographs, it was Bamboo I wanted. So being the kupal/kapal that I am, I approached them and asked for their autographs which they gladly gave. Shit. They are all so good looking. Hehe, I’m a groupie. Funny, after Bamboo performed, that was when the crowd started to leave too. As in, it was impossible to get out of the Bahay ng Alumni because of the sheer number of people trying to get out. This what they were waiting for, I guess. Bamboo.

“I take one step away, I find myself coming back to you, my one and only, one and only you.”

Crap. I forgot the lyrics of that Parokya song. That was playing in Chatz car on the way to bahay ganid, where for the second time in 2 weeks, I got drunk. No tears, though. Hehe. So I’m stuck with a splitting headache unable to remember the lyrics to that parokya song. Ew. I haven’t taken a bath yet and I have a class at one. Oh well. Whoa to my classmates. Petra is in the tamabayn and it’s nearly one. Gotta go!

donuts

“Donuts! I’ve got donuts!” –Chief Wiggum, The Simpsons

I was eating go nuts donuts a while ago, a few seconds ago to be precise when some random thought popped into my head.

You see, ordinarliy, when I eat (donuts, or anything else, for that matter), I automatically pop the food in my mouth. Just chew briskly, thn swallow. Usually this works when there are a lot of people with you and there’s not enough food for everyone. Take what you can, eat as fast as possible, then come back for seconds. But as I was getting the last piece of pastillas de leche flavor go nuts donuts (thank you very much for them, by the way :D), I ended up looking at the box and read the guidelines for heating your donut. Hmm, I’ve never tasted an oven toaster-ed donut, so why not? So I followed the directions, placed the donut on the plate, got the fork and knife and strated chewing slowly. Two things hit me right there: damn! It’s freaking good when it’s oven toaster-ed!! And, why the hell didn’t I notice this before? I love the way the glaze is semi-melted/crunchy, the donut bread is incredibly soft, the way the pastillas de leche filling melts in your mouth.. Yummy. Seriously, these are the things I tend to miss out on when I eat too quickly You tend to miss out on a lot of things when you just shove things in your mouth without truly experiencing the taste of things.

Oooo… I’m getting this whole “realizations about life” thing going on.

That’s the effect of go nuts donuts, I guess. And maybe the effect of reading “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse moves the cheese.” I think it’s a Pinoy self-help book. I’m not really a fan of self-help books. I used to be though, until Nicole Perreras gave me the truth about Tuesdays with Morrie. “Oh, I hate that book. He’s just repeating everything Ms. Quesada says.” Okay. ‘Nuff said… Anyway, back to the self-help issue. They’re kind of useless because I think you should be telling yourself what to do. Arvi mentioned this a while ago when we were waiting for Ally, Mel, Pat and Kay. While asking for advice in Molave about a friendship issue, one of the numers told him, “You can’t help him, if he can’t learn to help himself.” Note to self: Oh no! What is it with me and Opus Dei in this entry??!! Is it a sign? Gasp! End of note. Anyway, back to the self help issue again. I don’t think that self help books really do “help”, I think they sort of serve as reminders to ourselves. Sure, what they say is cheesy, pathetic, idealistic, but they do strike home, right?

Right?

hours in pro gym

“Shet! Ayoko na mag-intern!!”

“Hello?! At least kayong 2, nandyan lang kayo nakatira, ako, sa Pasig pa!”

“Paano ka ba umuuwi?”

“Um, commute. Jeep hanggang Philcoa, tapos bus, baba sa Crossing, tapos jeep papuntang Pasig.”

“Ha? Nagbubus ka?! Aircon ba or non-aircon? Ba’t di ka na lang mag-MRT?”

“Eh kasi sarado na ang mrt pag mga 9 pm na… Um, ordinary most of the time. Mas marami kasing dumadaan sa Philcoa kesa sa aircon eh. At para tipid, hehe.”

“Hah?!! Gaga ka! Di ka ba natatakot?!”

“Eh.. hindi naman.. sanayan lang siguro…”

Er. not quite the right answer. It’s true, I am used to it and I do take the ordinary bus almost all of the time, but not because I’m crazy or tanga or anything like that. Well, not completely crazy, hehe. I do get the occasional stare and once-over when I board the bus and that creeps me out, but I just try to reassure myself that I’m not desirable enough, hehe. Seriously, though,I don’t know, I guess you just have to treat the people as ordinary people. Just stop thinking that everyone in the bus is after your skin and would want to mug or rape you. (Now, who would want to do that, I wonder) I figured that, if everyone is as tired as I am at 9:30 pm, then I guess, it would take too much strength from them to stage a holdup. Besides, I’m pretty sure all they want to do is get home to their families (like me). I mean, why stage a holdup if that will bring you farther away from your family? But I’m not saying that I automatically let my guard down once I step on the bus/jeep. It creeps me out when you know people are staring but I guess, yeah, you just have to let your pre-conceived notions about other people slide. Do you get what I’m saying? But if those passengers turn out to be bad guys after all, then woe to me.

trying to make sense of it all

Mel, Ally and I were talking about how we loved UP so much. How napaka-makabuluhan ang mga usap dito, how we didn’t really give a damn about what was going on in the other schools, how, during parties, we don’t give a damn about all those hih school cliques, how when you’re with your high school friends, paulit-ulit lang ang mga topics (mostly love and gossip), how fun it was to have our own little world and not know what was happening to the rest of our batchmates…

Damn. I should’ve eaten my words.

Last Saturday was Maita A.’s debut. I promised her and myself that there was no way I was missing this. Finally, a chance to see my friends from the batch lower (Batch 2004). Shit, I miss them. So I step onto the penthouse of Tektite Towers, looking like crap: jeans, shirt and tribus, while everyone looks as if they stepped out of the pages of candy or Seventeen (Summit Publications, I wonder why?). Of course, I missed them like anything, of course, we all had kwento for each other, of course it was mostly about gossip and love, but what the hell I didn’t mind.

Towards the latter part of the debut, that was when frustration started to set in. Frustrated at how I only saw them now after how many months. Frustrated that I couldn’t see them as much as I wanted to. Frustrated at how I told Ally and Mel that I didn’t miss the mindless kwento, when in fact, I really do. Frustrated that I ever scoffed at not missing walang kwentang kwento until I realized it was as much a part of my life as it is theirs.

I hated how I never get to see them. No matter how much you say it’s walang kwenta, it isn’t. I looked forward to seeing them even if all we’ll be telling each other is walang kwenta. As much as all of our kwneto seems so senseless and mindless, it was the time spent with them that mattered. (Hallmark Card) I was frustrated that after everything we’ve been through, this has what our friendship has come down to. Seeing them only now after almost a year. At that moment, when I was with them, I hated Change. I hated how it brought all sorts of barriers between us. How it all came down to This. I guess this explains why I was crying during Maita B.’s debut when I was drunk as hell. I wasn’t crying just because I was drunk, there was a reason for that crying. Dammit, I miss all my friends in high school, whether they’re from batch 2003 or not.

“I know that all we ever talked about were little things but those little things turned into something bigger.” Meg Ryan, You’ve Got Mail (Not too sure if those were her exact words, though)

“These memories are a part of who I am.” –Artemis Fowl (when he agreed to have his mind wiped of certain memories, only to have a backup file of all that memories to be revealed to him in the future)