So I don't want to write about this in my other blog because it's the same old, same old. Mel and I were talking about how we never expected grad to be this way. How we never expected UP life to end this way. So much disappointment, so much regret.
How I can't bring myself to look towards the future when I'm stuck in the past and the present.
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
bullet points from the previous
I was tempted to write this long, rambling entry on my current crisis of the soul, unfortunately, it got too long that even I can't understand it anymore; nevertheless, I will try to get my points across:
1.Why can't I just be contented? It's been less than a week since my sem and undergraduate life ended and already, I'm bored, restless and frustrated.
2. I have two things right here. One, a part time job that I can full-time my way through. Two, a job offer that's been waiting for me since last semester. And that should be enough right? At least I have something. But see here, I don't want either or anything else for that matter to be an "at least" kind of thing. Maybe that's why I can't seem to say "yes" to either. I know it's idealistic to land a job that I will really love at once, but is it wrong to keep on searching?
3. It's not about the money. Well, it kind of is because I don't want to ask for money from my parents because wasn't that the reason why I took that part time job in the first place? Money is fine, money is lovely, money is love, money is yummy, but but but.. It's not what I want. (Days/weeks/months/years/decades from now, when I am completely broke, I will regret saying that statement. :P)
4. I want to go back to school. Funny, huh? After the hell of the past few weeks and all my desires to get out of school, at the end of it all, it still is what I want to do.
Funny how I've been waiting for this moment for the longest time and now that it's there, it's all so blah. Yey for the real world!
1.Why can't I just be contented? It's been less than a week since my sem and undergraduate life ended and already, I'm bored, restless and frustrated.
2. I have two things right here. One, a part time job that I can full-time my way through. Two, a job offer that's been waiting for me since last semester. And that should be enough right? At least I have something. But see here, I don't want either or anything else for that matter to be an "at least" kind of thing. Maybe that's why I can't seem to say "yes" to either. I know it's idealistic to land a job that I will really love at once, but is it wrong to keep on searching?
3. It's not about the money. Well, it kind of is because I don't want to ask for money from my parents because wasn't that the reason why I took that part time job in the first place? Money is fine, money is lovely, money is love, money is yummy, but but but.. It's not what I want. (Days/weeks/months/years/decades from now, when I am completely broke, I will regret saying that statement. :P)
4. I want to go back to school. Funny, huh? After the hell of the past few weeks and all my desires to get out of school, at the end of it all, it still is what I want to do.
Funny how I've been waiting for this moment for the longest time and now that it's there, it's all so blah. Yey for the real world!
oh come on
Why can't I just be contented? Forgive this post and all my brattiness. P(ost)MS-ing. Bored. Semi hungover. Whatever. It's been less than a week since my sem and undergraduate life ended and already, I'm bored, restless and frustrated. And I shouldn't be. I ended UP life in style with a crazy inuman (haha crazy doesn't even cut it) and by going to one of the most overwhelming places EVER. (anawangin, I am coming back for you).
The "What next?" thing is bothering me. Sometimes, I think it would be so much easier if I took those damn entrance tests, LAE, NMAT and GRE-- well, considering I pass them and get good scores, but that's beside the point. Because then at least I'd have something. But then I look at what I have now, and I do have something. More than somethings in fact. I have this part time job that I don't exactly love but it's there and I can always go full time; God knows they could use that. And I have this absolutely fine job that's been waiting for me for more than a semester now but here I am, hesitating. How stupid is this. It's right there. In a way, I'd be ahead of the pack. Why does everything have to be a race?
It's stupid to hesitate. I don't even know what I want to do or what I will love. All I know and all I feel is, neither of these things are for me. A part of me is telling myself to be patient. That I need the money if ever I decide to study again because I can't ask for money from my parents because wasn't that the reason why I took that part time job in the first place? "Don't feel pressured to love the first job you land. It'll come." don't feel pressured blah blah. I'm not. I don't. But after more than three months of earning my own money and saving up just a wee bit, I wish that was enough to keep me going. It isn't.
Is it because that the job I have right now isn't something to be all excited about? Or is it because people look down on it and not consider it a "real" job? but I look at the people there who have put so much heart and dedication into it and I'm not one of them. But then, why am I not excited for this new job?
The "What next?" thing is bothering me. Sometimes, I think it would be so much easier if I took those damn entrance tests, LAE, NMAT and GRE-- well, considering I pass them and get good scores, but that's beside the point. Because then at least I'd have something. But then I look at what I have now, and I do have something. More than somethings in fact. I have this part time job that I don't exactly love but it's there and I can always go full time; God knows they could use that. And I have this absolutely fine job that's been waiting for me for more than a semester now but here I am, hesitating. How stupid is this. It's right there. In a way, I'd be ahead of the pack. Why does everything have to be a race?
It's stupid to hesitate. I don't even know what I want to do or what I will love. All I know and all I feel is, neither of these things are for me. A part of me is telling myself to be patient. That I need the money if ever I decide to study again because I can't ask for money from my parents because wasn't that the reason why I took that part time job in the first place? "Don't feel pressured to love the first job you land. It'll come." don't feel pressured blah blah. I'm not. I don't. But after more than three months of earning my own money and saving up just a wee bit, I wish that was enough to keep me going. It isn't.
Is it because that the job I have right now isn't something to be all excited about? Or is it because people look down on it and not consider it a "real" job? but I look at the people there who have put so much heart and dedication into it and I'm not one of them. But then, why am I not excited for this new job?
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