oh come on

Why can't I just be contented? Forgive this post and all my brattiness. P(ost)MS-ing. Bored. Semi hungover. Whatever. It's been less than a week since my sem and undergraduate life ended and already, I'm bored, restless and frustrated. And I shouldn't be. I ended UP life in style with a crazy inuman (haha crazy doesn't even cut it) and by going to one of the most overwhelming places EVER. (anawangin, I am coming back for you).

The "What next?" thing is bothering me. Sometimes, I think it would be so much easier if I took those damn entrance tests, LAE, NMAT and GRE-- well, considering I pass them and get good scores, but that's beside the point. Because then at least I'd have something. But then I look at what I have now, and I do have something. More than somethings in fact. I have this part time job that I don't exactly love but it's there and I can always go full time; God knows they could use that. And I have this absolutely fine job that's been waiting for me for more than a semester now but here I am, hesitating. How stupid is this. It's right there. In a way, I'd be ahead of the pack. Why does everything have to be a race?

It's stupid to hesitate. I don't even know what I want to do or what I will love. All I know and all I feel is, neither of these things are for me. A part of me is telling myself to be patient. That I need the money if ever I decide to study again because I can't ask for money from my parents because wasn't that the reason why I took that part time job in the first place? "Don't feel pressured to love the first job you land. It'll come." don't feel pressured blah blah. I'm not. I don't. But after more than three months of earning my own money and saving up just a wee bit, I wish that was enough to keep me going. It isn't.

Is it because that the job I have right now isn't something to be all excited about? Or is it because people look down on it and not consider it a "real" job? but I look at the people there who have put so much heart and dedication into it and I'm not one of them. But then, why am I not excited for this new job?