argh.

i like using the word argh when blogging.

a while ago, i found out something about myself, which i already saw coming. yet, naapekto pa rin ako.

why is it that when you brace yourself for something that you know will happen, and when it does happen you somehow still can't control all the emotions and feelings that come with it?

there was something wrong with that sentence but i'd rather not correct it.

yeah, nakakahiya nga ako..

yun lang.

ouch.

argh stupid web browser

nakakamiss magblog...

sorry, ate ji,, di ko na inaupdate. sell out ako eh. lumipat nako sa livejournal. hehe. nah.. i basically write the same stuff there. but i really miss blogging.

yesterday was lala's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LALA!!

saya. tong, lala and i were bonding in dh about our secrets, lies, high school life.. anyway, we were psychoanalyzing each other. a lot of realizations about each other and shit like that. On the way to katipunan, that was when i realized how much i missed talks like those. no holds barred, no bullshit, everything straight up.

yeah, baby.

faith

“faith… it’s an abstract concept… it’s uhh… it’s um.. it’s not easy to describe… it’s um… it’s not something you can touch, feel-- sense… but it’s there…”

how can you describe an abstract concept? it’s like asking a painter to paint a white egg on white sheet without using any white paint. [courtesy of All American Girl by Meg Cabot]

“why is there suffering?”

“Haay…I don’t know.. You know, the answer to that question has eluded me for so long… I thought I had an answer to that…”

“Wala lang… Na-bother kasi talaga ako sa tanong na yan eh..”

“Yeah… ako rin, actually… Um… Hmm.. Naalala ko lang sinabi ng prof ko dati.. may nagtanong sa kanya

‘why do bad things happen to people?’

sabi niya ‘simply because there are bad people’.. I don’t know if it makes any sense.. at that time it did, though…”

“aaahhh…”

“Ah, wait... may naalala ako… Someone gave me this line, when I asked him to answer that question about suffering, from A Walk to Remember, of all movies! Sabi niya, ‘there can be no compassion if there is no suffering.’”

“yeah.. well, tell that to those who suffer…”

“Yeah…”

long day

I hate the straight-backed chairs of ordinary buses
I hate window seats with no armrests
I hate cubao ibabaws
I hate crossing ibabaws too
… even if that’s where I get off
I hate walking from the intersection to the end of the flyover looking for a pasig palengke/simbahan/pineda/san joaquin jeep
I hate carrying a jacket when I don’t need it
I hate high school coños partying in front of our house when the party is next door
I hate eating cold beefsteak
I equally hate eating cold rice
I hate eating crumbs from an 8 oz can of ketchup-flavored piknik
I hate eating sour lansones
I hate eating warm buko pie on a wet plate

what can I say?
it’s been a long day..

something from friendster

Message: QUOTED FROM A POST
OF AN
ATENEAN:

"I PASSED UPCAT AND IM AN ATENEAN.my
course was European Lang,a course
exclusively
for good speakers.i have a blockm8 who
passed
Broadcomm,a course exclusive to vales and
salus.There are so many ateneans who
passed
the UPCAT but opted to get QUALITY
EDUCATION and to stay within A SAFE
ENVIRONMENT.simple things but enough
for
us
to choose ADMU over UP . i chose to pay for
my
tuition fee because i want to be sure that I'LL
HAVE A FUTURE.a bright one at that.

-->nakakatawa. Humor brought to you by
ignorance(wink wink).
-Newo

-->ipinaglalaban naming mga iskolar ng
bayan
ang
mga karapatan ninyo: pati kayong mga
elitista at
kapitalista na kung tutuusin ang dahilan
kung bakit
hindi umaasenso ang bansa. binubuwis
namin
ang buhay namin para sa interes ng
sambayanan.
at kung para sa'yo kalokohan ito, kung
pinapababa nito ang pagtingin mo sa'min,
lumipat
ka na sa ibang bansa. hindi ka dapat
maging
Pilipino. -j.n.


--> ito'y isinulat ng isang atenista. hindi ko
alam
kung anong mararamdaman ko nung ito'y
binasa
ko. oo hindi kaayaaya ang kapaligiran, hindi
kasing garbo ng ADMU and UP. iba talaga
tayo
sa kanila. pero para magbitiw siya ng mga
paratang na tulad ng inihayag niya, sapul sa
buto
ang insulto na nilalaman nito. hindi porket
bulok
ang gamit natin, magulo sa campus natin ay
wala
na tayong mararating balang araw. ang tao
ang
gumagawa ng ikaasenso ng buhay niya.
pinagaaral tayo ng taong bayan, handa
tayong
itaguyod. SERVE THE PEOPLE, ika nga
paggraduate. para maibalik naman sa taong
bayan ang kanilang pinaghirapan. iskolar
ako ng
bayan, handa akong lumaban... kahit ang
pang
sabihin nila... hindi nila mapapantayan ang
tiyaga
at hirap na nararanasan ng mga taga UP
para
lang makapagtapos at itaguyod ang
kanilang
sarili.

i have to raise critical issues (punto por
punto) regarding the deregatory remarks
said by this whoever atenean. first, EL is not
for solely for good speakers. i know
someone who is not even an eloqueant
speaker but made it to the top honors when
she graduated with such a degree. am not
sure how he (or she) was able toa come up
with the notion that EL is merely for good
speakers. we have speech communication
and english studies dear. well, back in high
school i was the extemporaneous speaker
of
the year in english but my course was in UP
was not EL but english studies. mind u, i
have remarkable grades! second, broadcom
is not exclusively designed for vales and
salus. i have a lot of friends from broad com
who were not even in the top honors in high
school but are making it great in their
course.
with ur flimsy assumptions for these simple
things, it goes without saying that u don't
know anything bout the UP system, simply
because u belong to the OTHERS! one thing
that keeps on bogging me, u said that u
passed UPCAT with EL as ur course and ur
claiming that it's a course for good
speakersa. are u one? f u are, am
challenging u for a speaking duello. let's see
where it will take u. and plsssss, don't ever
assume that ateneo has a better quality
education than UP. take this, UP has
financial scarcity, however, while we still
make it to the top in the board exams. our
chemical engineering students and others
taking science courses aren't dependent on
machines to have better results in their lab
tests, u people are so dependent on
gadgets! we use our brains to process
things! how bout u people from OTHERS?
and excuse me, UP is always the priority of
the companies. of course, we don't have
uncles who are business tycoons to back us
up. we have brains though, much bigger
than
yours. it will take us places. u bet!

o! anong say mo?
to the UP students Iknow and love-
I don't believe we should take offense from
sentiments such as these. Yes, maybe our
university is lacking in facilities and funding, but
what we lack in resources we make up for in
ingenuity, determination, hard work and realistic
sensibilities. I go to school everyday admiring the
people who have to support themselves and
maintain their grades at the same time. Truth be
told, I can afford to go to other universities but I
will never sacrifice the real lessons I've learned
since I entered our beloved university. It's not all
about achievements, grades and who has the
better professors, papers or LCD projectors.
University life prepares us for life outside our little
shells. It is what shapes us and the future of our
country. Instead of being insulted by a future
ignorant atenean, let us take pride in the fact that
the future of our country, the people who truly love
our country, the real Filipinos are from UP. I'm not
saying that ateneans aren't real Filipinos. I just feel
that we as UP students have a head start on what
life as a Filipino is really like. Our problems are as
real as the problems of our nation. And that's why
reading a message from someone who makes
assertions from the outside and someone who will
probably never understand, simply amuses me. I
hope this person will grow up someday. Dear future
atenean(because you are an incoming freshman),
the motto of your future school is "Live simply so
that others may simply live". Let's hope you learn
that lesson by the time you finish your quality
education.

love always,
Denise

626

its 1130 am, Saturday and I have a splitting headache. Hangover, actually. I came from bahay ganid where I drank til I dropped as always. But before that was the 626 concert of campus radio 97.1 wls fm. Fun, fun. I was actually waiting for these bands to perform: KJWAN, sugarfree, bamboo, boldstar and imago. I wasn’t sure if boldstar would be performing there though, I left in the middle of imago’s performance, and KJWAN was the first to perform when the concert started at 6 pm. I was in First Friday Mass at the time.

“O, kay tagal din kitang minahal…
O, kay tagal din kitang mamahalin…
O, mamahalin….”

These were the first words that came out of Ebe Dancel’s mouth that I heard when I entered the Bahay ng Alumni while waiting in Choc Kiss for them or anyone of the four bands that I mentioned to perform. I rushed into the crowd, not caring that all these jologs rocker dudes were throwing themselves at each other. I don’t care. I love sugarfree. I didn’t know how loud I was singing until some guy from the crowd puts a makeshift microphone in front of my mouth. What the hell? It was amusing/scary.

“Alam mo ba… kanina pa ako magdamag na nakatingin sa yo…”

When Ebe sang the first line of Mariposa at an incredibly slow tempo and a capella, I nearly freaked out. Goosebumps rose all over my body and my hair was standing on end. Especially when Ebe Dancel starts scream/singing into the microphone making him sound so desperate and so freaking sincere. At that point, I suddenly didn’t mind that rocker guys were shoving and throwing themselves at each other. I didn’t mind that their sweat was clinging to my pores. I didn’t mind that I was always in danger of joining the mosh pit. Ididn’t mind that I was at the semi-back of the crowd. I didn’t mind that I only caught the last few snippets of Burnout. Anything to hear them play this song live. Anything to see them live, period.

“Nagsisisi… nagising sa katotohanan di ka naman talaga akin..”

That’s part of the song Mariposa, only because I don’t know the lyrics of Sinta. That was the last song in their set. As they were exiting the stage, people started chanting “bamboo! Bamboo! Bamboo!” over and over again. Hello, pwede ba? Konting respeto naman sa Sugarfree. I mean, no offense to Bamboo, I love them and all, but Sugarfree is a great band with a huge following too, they don’t need to hear that shit while exiting the stage. I remember something Marc Abaya told us when Anth and I were interviewing KJWAN for the PUGAD Sayk Acle. What they hate about crowds is when in the middle of some band’s performance, the audience suddenly chants “Keso! Keso! Keso!” (for Cheese). “With respect to Cheese and all, we love them, they’re great and all, but that’s showing so much disrespect.” Something along those lines. As much as I love Bamboo, please, a little respect to Sugarfree wouldn’t hurt.

“Ang pag-ibig ganyan talaga… masaya.”

Bamboo had this certain effect on the crowd. I thought the crowd was already crazy when Sugarfree performed, but no. It was a sight to see when Bamboo performed. Every lyric in their 3-song set was chanted by the crowd. The once non-existent girls in the crowd suddenly came alive when Bamboo started singing and especially when Ira had his guitar solo. Oh, did I mention that we were able to get the autographs of Bamboo? Because Mia and Tong were waiting in Choc Kiss for us during the early performances. After being tired of getting caught in the crossfire of all the mosh pits, chatz, kat, au and I decided to go to Choco Kiss. When we arrived, guess what: Bamboo and South Border were there. I’m not exactly a fan of South Border so I didn’t really bother getting their autographs, it was Bamboo I wanted. So being the kupal/kapal that I am, I approached them and asked for their autographs which they gladly gave. Shit. They are all so good looking. Hehe, I’m a groupie. Funny, after Bamboo performed, that was when the crowd started to leave too. As in, it was impossible to get out of the Bahay ng Alumni because of the sheer number of people trying to get out. This what they were waiting for, I guess. Bamboo.

“I take one step away, I find myself coming back to you, my one and only, one and only you.”

Crap. I forgot the lyrics of that Parokya song. That was playing in Chatz car on the way to bahay ganid, where for the second time in 2 weeks, I got drunk. No tears, though. Hehe. So I’m stuck with a splitting headache unable to remember the lyrics to that parokya song. Ew. I haven’t taken a bath yet and I have a class at one. Oh well. Whoa to my classmates. Petra is in the tamabayn and it’s nearly one. Gotta go!

donuts

“Donuts! I’ve got donuts!” –Chief Wiggum, The Simpsons

I was eating go nuts donuts a while ago, a few seconds ago to be precise when some random thought popped into my head.

You see, ordinarliy, when I eat (donuts, or anything else, for that matter), I automatically pop the food in my mouth. Just chew briskly, thn swallow. Usually this works when there are a lot of people with you and there’s not enough food for everyone. Take what you can, eat as fast as possible, then come back for seconds. But as I was getting the last piece of pastillas de leche flavor go nuts donuts (thank you very much for them, by the way :D), I ended up looking at the box and read the guidelines for heating your donut. Hmm, I’ve never tasted an oven toaster-ed donut, so why not? So I followed the directions, placed the donut on the plate, got the fork and knife and strated chewing slowly. Two things hit me right there: damn! It’s freaking good when it’s oven toaster-ed!! And, why the hell didn’t I notice this before? I love the way the glaze is semi-melted/crunchy, the donut bread is incredibly soft, the way the pastillas de leche filling melts in your mouth.. Yummy. Seriously, these are the things I tend to miss out on when I eat too quickly You tend to miss out on a lot of things when you just shove things in your mouth without truly experiencing the taste of things.

Oooo… I’m getting this whole “realizations about life” thing going on.

That’s the effect of go nuts donuts, I guess. And maybe the effect of reading “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse moves the cheese.” I think it’s a Pinoy self-help book. I’m not really a fan of self-help books. I used to be though, until Nicole Perreras gave me the truth about Tuesdays with Morrie. “Oh, I hate that book. He’s just repeating everything Ms. Quesada says.” Okay. ‘Nuff said… Anyway, back to the self-help issue. They’re kind of useless because I think you should be telling yourself what to do. Arvi mentioned this a while ago when we were waiting for Ally, Mel, Pat and Kay. While asking for advice in Molave about a friendship issue, one of the numers told him, “You can’t help him, if he can’t learn to help himself.” Note to self: Oh no! What is it with me and Opus Dei in this entry??!! Is it a sign? Gasp! End of note. Anyway, back to the self help issue again. I don’t think that self help books really do “help”, I think they sort of serve as reminders to ourselves. Sure, what they say is cheesy, pathetic, idealistic, but they do strike home, right?

Right?

hours in pro gym

“Shet! Ayoko na mag-intern!!”

“Hello?! At least kayong 2, nandyan lang kayo nakatira, ako, sa Pasig pa!”

“Paano ka ba umuuwi?”

“Um, commute. Jeep hanggang Philcoa, tapos bus, baba sa Crossing, tapos jeep papuntang Pasig.”

“Ha? Nagbubus ka?! Aircon ba or non-aircon? Ba’t di ka na lang mag-MRT?”

“Eh kasi sarado na ang mrt pag mga 9 pm na… Um, ordinary most of the time. Mas marami kasing dumadaan sa Philcoa kesa sa aircon eh. At para tipid, hehe.”

“Hah?!! Gaga ka! Di ka ba natatakot?!”

“Eh.. hindi naman.. sanayan lang siguro…”

Er. not quite the right answer. It’s true, I am used to it and I do take the ordinary bus almost all of the time, but not because I’m crazy or tanga or anything like that. Well, not completely crazy, hehe. I do get the occasional stare and once-over when I board the bus and that creeps me out, but I just try to reassure myself that I’m not desirable enough, hehe. Seriously, though,I don’t know, I guess you just have to treat the people as ordinary people. Just stop thinking that everyone in the bus is after your skin and would want to mug or rape you. (Now, who would want to do that, I wonder) I figured that, if everyone is as tired as I am at 9:30 pm, then I guess, it would take too much strength from them to stage a holdup. Besides, I’m pretty sure all they want to do is get home to their families (like me). I mean, why stage a holdup if that will bring you farther away from your family? But I’m not saying that I automatically let my guard down once I step on the bus/jeep. It creeps me out when you know people are staring but I guess, yeah, you just have to let your pre-conceived notions about other people slide. Do you get what I’m saying? But if those passengers turn out to be bad guys after all, then woe to me.

trying to make sense of it all

Mel, Ally and I were talking about how we loved UP so much. How napaka-makabuluhan ang mga usap dito, how we didn’t really give a damn about what was going on in the other schools, how, during parties, we don’t give a damn about all those hih school cliques, how when you’re with your high school friends, paulit-ulit lang ang mga topics (mostly love and gossip), how fun it was to have our own little world and not know what was happening to the rest of our batchmates…

Damn. I should’ve eaten my words.

Last Saturday was Maita A.’s debut. I promised her and myself that there was no way I was missing this. Finally, a chance to see my friends from the batch lower (Batch 2004). Shit, I miss them. So I step onto the penthouse of Tektite Towers, looking like crap: jeans, shirt and tribus, while everyone looks as if they stepped out of the pages of candy or Seventeen (Summit Publications, I wonder why?). Of course, I missed them like anything, of course, we all had kwento for each other, of course it was mostly about gossip and love, but what the hell I didn’t mind.

Towards the latter part of the debut, that was when frustration started to set in. Frustrated at how I only saw them now after how many months. Frustrated that I couldn’t see them as much as I wanted to. Frustrated at how I told Ally and Mel that I didn’t miss the mindless kwento, when in fact, I really do. Frustrated that I ever scoffed at not missing walang kwentang kwento until I realized it was as much a part of my life as it is theirs.

I hated how I never get to see them. No matter how much you say it’s walang kwenta, it isn’t. I looked forward to seeing them even if all we’ll be telling each other is walang kwenta. As much as all of our kwneto seems so senseless and mindless, it was the time spent with them that mattered. (Hallmark Card) I was frustrated that after everything we’ve been through, this has what our friendship has come down to. Seeing them only now after almost a year. At that moment, when I was with them, I hated Change. I hated how it brought all sorts of barriers between us. How it all came down to This. I guess this explains why I was crying during Maita B.’s debut when I was drunk as hell. I wasn’t crying just because I was drunk, there was a reason for that crying. Dammit, I miss all my friends in high school, whether they’re from batch 2003 or not.

“I know that all we ever talked about were little things but those little things turned into something bigger.” Meg Ryan, You’ve Got Mail (Not too sure if those were her exact words, though)

“These memories are a part of who I am.” –Artemis Fowl (when he agreed to have his mind wiped of certain memories, only to have a backup file of all that memories to be revealed to him in the future)

things you should have said

one thing i noticed about myself is that i always figure out the right things to say WAAAY after they're supposed to be said. i mean, have you ever felt that way? When you're talking to someone and that person needs your advice but at that moment, you just have no comforting words to say? And then, all of a suden it hits you in the oddest of places, in the oddest of times.

like today.

a while ago in the mrt, actually.

take sample conversation number 1:

friend: "ba't di ako na-culture shock pagdating ko sa UP?"
me: "ah yeah? asteeg! ako rin!"
i should have said: "deins... marunong ka lang makisama sa ibang tao. you just know how to adapt to your surroundings.."


sample conversation no. 2:
"if i went to ateneo, i don't think i would have learned how to commute. parang pareho lang yung life ko sa high school"
me: ongano..
i should have said: " i don't think you need to go to UP para matuto ka mag-commute. i think all it takes is a little daring. i guess it also helps to be in an enclosed/isolated environment because i think that gives you all the more reason to dare-- to step outside your comfort zones. When you're safe and secure, you tend to be complacent, so i guess it's just up to you to make that first step, to go outwards to go beyond."

sample conversation no. 3:
me: "magbabarriowork ka ba ngayong sembreak?"
person: "ah.... baka hindi ako payagan ng parents ko eh..."
me: "sige na!! punta ka na! masaya yun... promise!!"
i should've said: "[quoting from the notebook:] will you stop worrying about what other people want and think about what you REALLY want??!!... you can't please everyone, you know!... [quoting from ana o:]'kung gusto mo, kaya mo, kung ayaw mo, maraming kaputa-putang dahilan!' 'nuff said."

wala lang, just random thoughts while riding the mrt.

UP versus ateneo

this game was a few days ago but i still can't get over it. especially after that heartbreaking loss to lasalle yesterday. haaaaayyyy... i haven't been updating in a long time.

oh, thanks to yaya petra and ryan for providing me the site for this pic. www.peyups.com

check it out!!!

so, here's the pic.



UP FIGHT!!!!!!

kahit wala na tayo sa final four....

U!NIBERSIDAD NG PILIPINAS!!!!
U!NIBERSIDAD NG PILIPINAS!!!!
U!NIBERSIDAD NG PILIPINAS!!!!
U!NIBERSIDAD NG PILIPINAS!!!!

MATATAPANG, MATATALINO
WALANG TAKOT, KAHIT KANINO
HINDING HINDI MAGPAPAHULI
GANYAN KAMING MGA TAGA-UP!!!!!

crossing

i'm in an internet shop in crossing.

i've been feeling down the last few days. The fact that UP lost versus la salle yesterday din't help things either. today was a welcome change for all of that.

a big big thanks to mel for keeping me company today, from 8:40 am to 4:05 pm. Not an easy task, i should tell you. oh and big thanks to her family too for being so cool and so accommodating. and for feeding me too!! thanks for the steak, the garlic bread, the fruits in ice cream, the tuna casserole... hmm. did i miss anything?

oh and a big thanks too to my high school batchmates. Just reading everyone's kwento in the e-groups made me smile and reminisce. and i thought i didn't miss them. damn. i was dead wrong.

hmmmm... what's with all the thank you's? am i receiving an award or something?

nah. i just feel better now. better than i've felt the past few days.

slight

er i'm in alva computers right now in philcoa. something's wrong with the web browser at home. shet. i wanna write about so much things!!!! but i'm expected home already [hehehe. what's new? :P]

til next time.

alone

i've been out of sorts this past week. i think it's a combination of so many factors and so many things happening. i remind myself of this lady who fainted in pro-gym yesterday. While staying with her in the bathroom, i asked her what went wrong, how it happened, etc. She said she didn't really know. I told her that maybe it was a combination of so many factors: swimming in the morning, not working out for a week, stress from her Masters, newer/harder fitness program-- a combination of all of this could have led her to her sudden fainting. Then she told me "Hindi naman ako ganito eh... Hindi ako mahiluin na tao..." i told her na siguro nabigla lang katawan niya.

i agree with her. hindi naman ako ganito eh...

these past few weeks have been my insecurity-filled weeks. how everything seems to be going wrong, i can't seem to do anything right, etc. etc.

mel dropped me off in vinzons a while ago, past 7 pm. i didn't feel like going home yet so i started walking around the acad oval towards no known destination. i just started to walk. And think. And think.

i thought about how i'm not really a very good friend. nope, not at all. i think i'm only good for the getting-to-know-you stage. after that, that's it. no more depth. i wrote before that i was a pretty shallow person, yeah, i'm a pretty shallow friend too. my mind suddenly wanders off whenever my friends share their kwento for the day. i can't seem to give advice or share my thoughts about anything. i just go ____blank____. i've been stuck in this phase for quite some time already. i've noticed it since high school.

there's this rave song that was such a hit during my first year in high school. "do you think you're better off alone?"

i reached a conclusion while walking around the acad oval: i'm too self-centered to deserve friends.

naks. drama di ba?

small things

despite the current funk i'm in, these little things somehow manage to pop up, and fill me with a brief moment of happiness...

1.) UP Maroons winning against NU... in volleyball :D
2.) movie marathon in casa dator :D


ang astig ng movie na to. shet. ang ganda ni audrey hepburn. <tibuan!!!> hehehe


ang ganda nito pero ang weird niya. it took quite a while for mel and i to understand what was going on. but sweet siya. artsy fartsy na ewan.

labo...

3.) the spotlight on the roof of shang while it was raining. ang ganda ng effect, parang nasa movie or music video ako ... heehee! kilig!! :D

4.) eeyore cookie lollipop from shoppersville :D

yun lang...

regrets

there's this miss universe-type question that goes like this: Have you ever done something you regret?

And of course, we all know the answer. We would all say "No, i have no regrets in life. Because without which all those things i have done, they never would have made me into the person i am today."

or something like that. we all know how it goes.

But this evening, while riding the bus from Commonwealth, i began to think about my life and the things i've done in the past, my so-called "mistakes."

i asked myself if there is really nothing in my past that i regret doing. i found that i couldn't answer that question. My inner me says

sure, you can say you don't regret anything because they made you who you are today and all that bull, but have you ever realized that with your actions, you affect everyone else? sort of like a ripple effect. You know the saying that everything has a consequence, right? I guess it's the same with the things you do. While you do these things, ultimately, when you come out of it, you will become a better person, but what of the others who get affected by your decision? by your CHOICE. and you have to know that you have to live with the consequences of your actions. that yes, you hurt them. that yes, you have to pay back for what you did. can you live with that? or will you just ignore it and say, "no, i don't regret anything because they made me who i am today"?

i don't know if i'm making any sense.

tired

stressed, more like it.

it's 330 am. just finished my [ stupid ] psych paper. i'm not that sleepy. don't really know why. i will regret this later when i fall asleep during my shift in pro-gym.

a while ago, when i was going through my self-pity phase while walking along shaw, i saw something that made me stop thinking about myself for a moment. At the front entrance of shang were 2 little girls (i think between 4-6 years old) cartwheeling. They probably did around 5 or 6 cartwheels before finally crashing to the floor and laughing their heads off. i don't really know why this touched me so much, but it did.

Thank God for these little things that manage to keep us sane.
Thank God for all these constant reminders that you aren't the only person in the world.

Thank God indeed.

about last night...

well not technically about last night, last saturday night.

i was pretty drunk.

sure it started innocently enough. drinking just to make bullshit and 1-2-3 pass more exciting. pretty soon, i was drinking from everyone's glasses.

before i knew it, jemai tripped me while proving to him i could walk in a straight line.

then more tagays from mia, laarni and joc.

and more. and more.

then i was rocking myself back and forth on the chair, laughing my head off for God knows how long. then jemai videos me on his 3650.

i vaguely remember someone bringing me to the living room sofa. the chatz and ken "hotseat" me about all the males in upsca.

they leave.

then i cry. apprently for reasons of "not wanting to be alone" and "not wanting to die alone."

pretty freaky.

blurry faces of aura, jona, jim, mia...hmm. can't remember.

then ken carries me up to the room. i fall asleep with the soft comforters.

that's it.

i wake up sunday morning, feeling extremely embarrassed.

well, now you've seen me drunk. just not wasted.

drunk

i'm drunk

well... not really. just have a really bad hangover. my stomach is doing flips, my head is spinning. the usual.

oof. can i throw up?

more details when i'm sober enough.

queeezzz

this is amazing

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	March 25, 2018
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

LSS

boldst*r
great pinoy music
 
hey finally blogger supports this sort of text thing. this is amazing. wahoo!!
 
anyway back to boldstar...
 

when anyone else is here, you always disappear
when anyone else is here, you always disappear

starbucks

dio says there are two things that happen to you when you go to starbucks:

1.) your stomach feels incredibly bloated

2.) your pocket/wallet feels considerably lighter

i beg to differ on number two. my pocket felt considerably heavier-- because all that remained were coins.

d'oh!!

i though today was friday so i splurged all my money. it turns out, today's thursday. so i have no more money for tomorrow. and since i just wrote something about giving two entries ago, donations, anyone?

:D

disclaimer

i never intended for my blog to be this personal. i have my own journal for that sort of thing.

never underestimate

one thing that constantly amazes me is this: never underestimate the power of giving. or never underestimate the people's power to give. it goes something like that.

for the past few days, i've been thinking about a lot of things. well not a lot, just this one particular thing, actually.

fot the most part, i've been thinking "what the hell have i done to deserve this?" it's not that i'm not grateful, far from it in fact, but i just think there's too much wrong with me to deserve all this. i think about all my hangups in life, then think about all the goodness people shower me with. and i keep telling myself, wanting to tell them, "ano ba? i'm not worth that. i'm not worth all that trouble."

call this my insecurity day, call it my paawa effect day, call it my fishing day. but come on, i do have a point, right? tell me you've felt this way at one time or another.

aynako, i don't deserve this...

talo na naman

as usual, talo na naman UP kahapon.. against adamson!! against adamson, for crying out loud!!!! with the support of the whole UP!! who took up half of araneta!! this is NOT right!! today's ateneo-lasalle.. kebs ko ba? [haha, i can't believe i just ssaid kebs ko ba...] grrr... i'm so frustrated. isang game lang, please... isang game lang.... hay nako, nakakadepress talaga.

a while ago, during our internship in kids hoopz in metro badminton, jenkins was telling us about all the texts he received from the alumni, UP people, pba people, and how disappointed they all were. "that was the worst game they have ever seen UP play.." stuff like that. it was really depressing.

oh well, my favorite part was definitely cheering. especially when araneta suddenly played "this love" and EVERYONE from up started singing and dancing to it! asteeg talaga. then when we did the wave and ally and i were requesting "unibersidad" chats from the drummers. haha, mahal na nga ako ng pep eh. that's what comes of having a loud voice.

towards the dying seconds of the game, the drummers suddenly played unibersidad. so there we were, the WHOLE UP crowd standing up, chanting unibersidad with all our hearts and exaggerated actions even if the adamson side was going crazy already. it was a sight to see, despite losing by such a huge margin, we were all screaming our heads off. oh well, ganyan kaming mga taga-UP.

[tak-tak-tak-tak-tak-tak-tak] OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

we learn new songs everyday

wheelbyjohnmayer

People have the right to fly/And when it gets compromised/Their hearts say move along/Their minds say gotcha heart/Let’s move it along/Let’s move it along//And airports, see it all the time/With someone's last goodbye/Blends in with someone’s sigh/Cause someone's coming home/In hand a single rose//And that's the way this wheel keeps working now/That's the way this wheel keeps working now/And I won't be the last/No I won't be the last, to love her//You can't build a house of leaves/And live like it’s an evergreen/It's just a season thing/It's just this thing that seasons do//And that's the way this wheel keeps working now/That's the way this wheel keeps working now/And you won't be the first/No you won't be the first to love me//::guitar solo:://You can't love too much, one part of it (repeat)//You can find me, if you ever want to give/I'll be around the bend,I'll be around the bend/I'll be around, I'll be around/And if you never stop when you wave goodbye/You just might find if you give it time/You will wave hello again/You just might wave hello again//And that's the way this wheel keeps working now/That's the way this wheel keeps working now//I believe that my life's gonna see/The love I give return to me/I said I believe, I believe,/I believe that my life's gonna see yeah/The love I give return to me./I believe that my life's gonna see the love I give/Return to me...

wake

the one good thing about wakes is the countless hours spent bonding/laughing with my brothers and sister while finishing all the wake food.

realizations/what I love about them:

1.) ate is a brilliant ditz

how she can be both at the same time is beyond me. One minute, she’s so clueless, the next, she knows the answers to everything

2.) ate’s wacky sense of humor

ex. don’t the chickens at the bottom row of the trucks get pissed cause all the other chickens poop on them?

ex. angel quiogue is actually a superhero with the moniker “angel of death”. his superpowers include: lulling his villains to sleep by means of all the funeral songs, his car is the “Angel-hearse”, his secret hideout is the zeus-like temple in manila memorial park

3.) It’s with them that I can laugh my loudest and heartiest. I realized I haven’t laughed that hard since God-knows-when.

4.) Lio’s tactless/insensitive sense of humor (ulul mo! gago ka!)

5.) liro’s a chickboy in USTe. (check out his wallet for all the girls)

6.) lafi’s my punching/hitting/slapping/pinching/poking bag

7.) kuya led has never been our driver

8.) kuya lon’s hilarious kwento about tito ben (B-DEO Enterprises in UP Manila)

9.) Our laughs, when combined, drowns out everyone else in the room.

10.) kuya led finishing all my food

11.) kuya lon’s witty remarks

me: “Kuya , are you rich?”

kuya: “yes! very!!! hahahahaha!!!”

or

Kuya: “so lio, how much are you earning?”

lio says an amount

kuya: “oh, a pitiful amount!!! (complete with the british accent)

12.) liro’s free throw dance/echo-is-the-dynamite dance

13.) lio’s remarks about vince’s life

14.) lafi being the star in the family ("oh! this is lafi? he’s so big now!!")

15.) this WHOLE week, I’ve felt the happiest with them

joey has a suggestion: we should just wear placards with our names on it and our position (ex. I’m lei, #6) or ma should just get our bio-data, have them photocopied, then distribute them to the guests so we can all avoid the dreaded roll call.

thanks

for everyone, for everything....

jim, tong, lala, mia, cadz, kat, chot, zak, kuya bas, carlito, angel, lendi

pugad sayk

salamat...

take me away

just take me away from here...


Fleetwood Mac
Landslide

I took my love, i took it down
climbed a mountain and i turned around
and i saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'til the landslide brought it down

oh, mirror in the sky
-what is love?
-can the child within my heart rise above?
-can i sail thru the changin' ocean tides?
-can i handle the seasons of my life?
i don't know.....

well, i've been afraid of changin'
'cause i've built my life around you
but time makes you bolder
even children get older
and i'm getting older too

oh, take my love, take it down
climb a mountain and turn around
-and if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
well the landslide will bring it down

-and if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
well the landslide will bring it down
the landslide will bring it down

why??

my lolo just died. and to think my lola passed away last summer.

potek talaga....

. . . .

for the record, i don't know what happened.

i thought a good night's sleep would wipe it all away. i thought i'd be ok in the morning. i thought that listening to my favorite CDs would make it go away. i thought that yahoo! and friendster would be my bright spot this morning.

well, as it turns out, lei, you’re wrong. Pretty damn wrong actually.

Maybe it has something to do with the weather.

How can something so simple (so FREAKING small!!) make me feel like this??!! I felt like someone had given me a slap in the face-- a much needed slap, now that I think about it.

and so, there I was in the ikot, thinking about ten million things and wondering what the hell am I really doing with my life?

and there I was bringing tong to the tricycles, thinking (and talking) about ten million things, both of us wondering what the hell we’re really doing with our lives.

what do I want? I want to go home. I want to sleep. I want to rest. I want to think. I want to cry, for what reason? I don’t know. I just want to lie down on my bed. Just forget everything. Forget everything that’s happened.

someone I know would call me a brat right about now.

frustrated

i'm becoming immesnsely frustrated with the pc right now. i cannot access my blog, my friends blogs, my friends photoblogs, my yahoo mail... etc.

crap talaga.

oh, i forgot to mention, tong slept over here friday night. we were working on the consti.. thank God we finished it.

pota talaga. i'm really pissed off now.

stella o

the one good thing about going to mass in UA&P (no matter how much I despise it), is that it ALWAYS serves as a reunion of sorts. Before, during and after the Mass, I found myself greeting/ beso-ing/ hugging people I haven’t seen in months, heck, and even years.

the other good thing? (though I’m not too sure if this exactly was a good thing) I was speaking in straight english. however, I did have some of my moments…

sample:

“so, Lei, where do you study?”

me: “Um… sa UP po…”

“where? in UA&P?”

“Um… hindi po… sa UP po…”

“Lei? Is that you? Are you talking in Filipino??!!”

yeah… go figure.

so there I was, dressed like I came from the mountains (big shirt, big cargo shorts, tribus and native bag care of lala), and people were coming up to me from all around, asking about my mom or just plain wondering how I’ve been, where I’ve been all this time, and why have I not been visiting them??

another good thing? the choir. Always, always and always. They never ever fail to give me goosebumps whenever they sing. Who cares if it was in Latin? Oh, and kudos too to the University of the East Chorale-- each of them sounds like a contestant for “Star in a Million.” But the Stella O choir had a great rendition of the “I will sing forever of your love, O lord…” song. haha, I don’t know the title.

the bad thing? I looked like a complete slob, in front of all these people dressed in formal wear.

lost in translation

i watched an artsy fartsy film last sunday, lost in translation. i don't know why, but the film was so moving. it was beautifully done, it was so perfect. i love the whole straight to the point, no bullshit, frank dialogue. great, great movie.


i love this part

wednesday morning

it's a boring wednesday morning. no class, thankfully. i need a break, even if we haven't done anything remotely backbreaking or eyebags-inducing. well, not yet anyway.

a sudden burst of rain, then a bright ray of sunshine. i'm getting used to all these strange weather patterns.

my hand reeks of animal fat, mixed with tomato sauce, basil leaves, oregano, cheese, onions, cabbage. yup, I’m having a burrito at 9 in the morning.

right now, I don’t want to think. I don’t want to think of anything that’s been happening to me these past few days. I don’t want to think of the mindless conversations I have with myself just before I go to sleep every night. [I talk to myself, so what? don’t you?]

tomato sauce is spilling on the keyboard. shit, got to wipe this off. now it’s spilling on my shorts.

I think of conversations of past, of resolutions made, of conflicts resolved, of questions both answered and unanswered. No, I don’t want to think about them. Can’t I give myself a little downtime?

joys of UP

I did it all for the nuqui (yeah!), the nuqui (yeah!) so you can take that cookie!! and stick it up your, yeah!! stick it up your, yeah!!! stick it up your!!!
--- “nookie” limp bizkit

today, during my math 2 class (practical math is the course description) sir nuqui was talking about the upcoming UAAP games (woohoo!! july 10 na!!) and how to compute all the possible results of the basketball competition-- manually.

That wasn’t the funny part. The funny part goes like this.


team wins losses
UP 7 0
UE 6 1
UST 5 2
FEU 4 3
NU 3 4
ADMU 2 5
AdU 1 6
DLSU 0 7

then sir asks us "ok, class, do you see anything wrong with this?"

me: “um… sir… panalo po ang UP… sa lahat ng games po, sir”

sir and the entire class: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!”

sir: [still chuckling] “haha.. that’s not the point. it’s not the point of whether UP has won the most games or not… though I think if the UAAP consisted of practical math, then UP would win for sure…”

us: “HAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

tidbits from sir: apparently, 95% of UP students come from bracket 9. and that if we didn’t pay P6000/sem, we should actually be paying P25000/sem. hmm… interesting.

from sir: “if you go to the other schools such as la salle and ateneo, you really notice that the students get what they pay for. here, it may be the case. well, in this classroom, at least. look: nearly all the lights are functioning, there’s aircon, there are 2 blackboards and a white board, the chairs are not falling off…”

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

amazing really, how despite the continued deterioration of our beloved campus, everyone still knows how to have a sense of humor.

reality bites (pretty damn hard, actually)

it’s amazing really what one year can do. here I am thinking that nothing’s changed, that everything has remained the same, when I realized that that’s not the truth. far from it, in fact.

and I realized that just now, while ym-ing my old high school buddies and busmates.

how one year can change a person so much, yet that person can still remain the same. how so much has happened between the two of you (and everyone else) yet still…

dammit. I miss everyone. I really do.

it’s this whole sense of college hitting me all over again. how I want to see them, despite all the changes surrounding us, but how there are so much obstacles in the way. and so much excuses.

and then you realize that it’s too late. that one year has actually gone by. and then you look at yourself and realize how much you changed and how much others have changed.

and you can’t go back. no matter how hard you try. all you have to do is think of the present, think of the future. and try not to commit the same mistakes again.

but you know that won’t happen. you know it’s a vicious cycle. and more often than not, there’s nothing you can do about it.

punyeta talaga o…

rosary

naks.. feeling religious.. hehe. i was in the mood to write this kanina pero nasira ang mood ko dahil sa e-heads chaka dahil sa mga bros ko...

anyway...

this evening we were praying the rosary, which has been the tradition in our family since god-knows-when, when i realized how we never take the rosary seriously. well it's not actually a new realization but i realized it again a while ago.

i remember when ate jim and i were coming home (or going to ccp, not too sure) from the linkin park concert last tuesday and the driver was talking about the rosary and how he didn't believe in it. It's a 20minute prayer with absolutely zero meaning in it. It's routine, you repeat the same things over and over again-- there's no thought, no meaning in it!

during my [wonderful] days of my beloved alma mater, our teacher was telling us the proper way to pray the rosary: after every mystery, you're supposed to pause and reflect on the mystery and Jesus, and after that, state your personal intentions. No wonder ma always leaves a long pause before she says the Our Fathers and Hail Marys and the Glory Bes.

I wonder if anyone actually takes that seriously.

A while ago, I’ve come to see the evolution of the rosary in the family. What used to be something solemn prayed every weekend and every time we’d drive home from alabang during our elementary/high school days has turned into a joke. We end up looking at our surroundings for things to break the monotony of the prayer. Me, lafi, lio and Ma laughing at the industrial fan playing tricks on the light and hat. Lio throwing his [dirty, smelly] socks at me and lafi, shocking us. Usually, pa playing with his pustiso making us all laugh. me trying to hit/trip lafi every time he walks by me. the kuyas making funny faces or noises… The rosary has become a race of who gets to finish answering first. It has become a race of who gets to kiss ma and pa first after the rosary.

But strangely enough, despite the piousness of our family (or should I say, the piousness of ma, pa and liro), I’m not surprised at what’s happening. I guess it was all just a matter of time before things turned out this way.

linkin park hangover

heehee, got this from jimi's message on the bulletin board on friendster. heeeheeehee

Date: June 15, 2004 9:51 PM


Subject: linkin park


Message: gold front row v.i.p. tickets!
whoooa!

thanks to lei's sis!
and thanks to lei's invitation.
thanks to the manong - who after much pleading,
begging, and charms, gave us linkin park's copy
of the repertoire for the night, and a copy of
their song posted somewhere in the stage.

seen a whole new perpective on a lot of things
that night.

thanks again lei!
umm, sorry tong and chatz... it pays to be in YM,
you get to grab invitations right then and there.
mmmwuah!

heeeheee. yeah, that's me gloating :D

euphoria

i am in a state of absolute euphoria. i cannot believe it. right now, i just want to scream, dance, jump, go crazy, ANYTHING!!!!

i don't want to be the one the battles always choose
cause inside i realize i'm the one confused
can't you see that you're smothering me,
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
it's like i'm paranoid looking over my back
it's like a whirlwind inside of my head
every step that I take is another mistake to you
this lack of self control I feel is never-ending
it’s haunting how I can’t seem to find myself again, my walls are closing in
shut up, shut up when I’m talking to you, shut up
I put my trust in you
pushed as far as I can go
I wanna know the answers, no more lies
you like to think you’re never wrong,
you live what you learned
for all this, there’s only one thing you should know
put it out for the world to see, LP and xmen to the tenth degree
don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored

I haven’t taken a bath yet. my shirt is soaking wet, I smell like sweat, I haven’t eaten (just 2 glasses of sunkist orange in ccp) I don’t care. I have the world’s biggest smile on my face. there are so much things I’m so thankful for:

…ate providing me with 2 gold front tickets (DEFINITELY!!!)
…being roughly ten feet away from linkin park
…the taxi driver who thought of all possible shortcuts to get jim and I to ccp
…the line to the portalet being wonderfully short
…linkin park starting on time
…them playing my fave songs (crawling, papercut, breaking the habit, numb)
…the manong who was kind enough to give jim and I a souvenir (he introduced himself as jerry yan and I’m called “anna” --don’t ask why) WITHOUT HAVING TO PAY!!! unlike those poor souls who shelled out P500 for a guitar pick
…meeting up with liro there
…having a screamfest with liro there
…touching the water bottle that rob threw (*sigh*) and nearly getting it!!
…the taxi driver (on the way to mega) who talked about led zeppelin, metallica, black-eyed peas, catholicism, aerosmith, michael buble, evanescence, axl rose, the beatles
…jimi, being such a wonderful companion
…being able to find liro and jim after buying two sunkists orange (after much staring from the sunkist lady cause she saw me finish one cup in five seconds)
…lala’s payong which made me stand out in the crowd… hehe
…the crowd not being total war freaks (actually the front people were like, the like you know coño crowd… woohoo!! conyos rule!!! hehe)

there are so much to be thankful for!!! if only I had five extra hands to write down everything I’m feeling!!! the only thing I want to do right now is SCREAM. like anything. when we got off the taxi in ccp, I started screaming from the euphoria of being there, even more so when we realized that our tickets were front seats, even more so when they suddenly appeared, even more when we were able to get free souvenirs(!!! beach academy training yan… and a helluva lotta charm!!!). in the taxi, in the jeep, walking home, now--- all I want to do is scream!!

I wonder if mishi watched. I mentioned earlier, mishi and I were the linkin park pioneers.

mike: “I say it’s goin’, you say, down!!… it’s goin’”
audience: “down!!!”
mike: “it’s goin…”
audience: “down!!!!”

mike: “itaas… how does that go?… itaas nyo ang mga kamay!!!”

mike: “mabuhay kayong lahat!!!

mike: “you guys are one of the best crowds we’ve ever played to!!!”

bola. I don’t care. jologs sila. as of right now, I don’t care.

whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………

perfect

it's a boring sunday and i have nothing to do so i was just answering random quizzes and i found one that suits me perfectly.

when you grow up
Full Name
Age
you will	you will never grow up sorry
This fun quiz by thecowsdidit - Taken 946 Times.

New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

hahahaha!!! i LOVE this test!!

name generator

C	Cool
O	Organic
N	Naughty
C	Casual
U	Unreal
B	Bouncy
I	Important
N	Naive
E	Edgy

Name / Username:


Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com


cool. does this describe me?

warning label

"ACHTUNG!

concubine may actually be a spider-human hybrid

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

something wrong

there is something so wrong with the pc. why, oh why does it only choose to go to specific sites???!! for example, i cannot seem to access my mail. "Cannt find server" always appears onscreen. Same goes with my blog. i've written at least 10 entries but i have no idea how my blog looks like. funny, i was talking about the things that matter an entry ago, yet here i am complaining how the computer refuses to cooperate.

life is one big contradiction, dontcha think??

fare hike

this morning (oh yeah, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY PHILIPPINES!!!!!) going to the mrt station, jeepney fare was still 4 pesos. Going to UP from edsa was still P5.50. That afternoon around 130, the fare from UP to edsa was still P5.50. Later today, around 3:45, the fare from Crossing to the village was now P5.50. Ho-hum. During the prodwork, Lyn told me I was lucky "kasi di pa tumaas ang fare ko papuntang UP." Yeah, well, my luck ran out that afternoon. Things happen for a reason, I don’t know what that reason is for me to run out of money everyday.

let’s compute my estimated daily expenses:

village to mrt: P5.50
mrt to quezon ave: P11.50
edsa to UP: P7.50
ikot (at least once): P5 (I’m guessing)
meal: P50 (I highly doubt I will spend this little for food)
UP to mrt: P7.50
mrt to shaw blvd: P11.50
crossing to village: P5.50
= P102

that doesn’t even include xerox, merienda, project fees, etc. ho-hum.

in megamall, while waiting for the rain to stop, I visited the art exhibit on the fourth floor. the exhibit was entitled “contradicting metaphors.” Really nice, really dark actually, I kind of felt depressed though. But there was this one piece that really made me smile. It was entitled “stripes.” What was so unusual about it was that it was made entirely of erasers. the striped ones. They were regular striped rubber erasers laid out in columns and rows to form a gigantic square. I was about to make this really profound realization about it, when all of a sudden, a kid wearing a batman costume and on roller skates, skates right through it. The guard got so pissed and I don’t know what stopped me from cursing at the little shithead.

oh well.

There was another piece that I saw. There were black and white photos placed on a shelf. I nearly cried when I saw what the artist took pictures of: the beach (or some island) and the locals flashing their huge smiles at the camera. And there were fishing boats, kids in snorkeling masks and the horizon. I nearly cried because it reminded me so much of Zambales and how much I miss it.

...I miss the genuine warmth and openness of the people, their smiles which can make anyone’s day and their friendship.
...I miss the blueness of the south china sea.
...I miss the way sand is forever stuck on any part of your body.
...I miss the cold nights where it feels as if you’re inside an air-conditioned room.
...I miss sleeping on the ambay.
...I miss roasting kasuy during the night.
...I miss the way the fishing boats light up the sea at night, making it look like a hustling, busting city.
...I miss the way the moon shines over the entire Cabangan lighting up the place.
...I miss all the kwentuhan and tuksuhan with my friends there, my kapatids (hehe, coño) and with my parents.
...I miss the way we all get drunk every final night there.
...I miss the way the mangoes taste so sweet.
...I miss the way my parents are so intent on feeding me and fattening me up.
...But most of all, I miss all of life’s simplicity. How they never lose track of all what truly matters in life. How life isn’t made up of images and pretensions, of what you have or what you don’t have…

I blink and I find myself back in Megamall. Back again to the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Back again to the dull, gray and dreary metro. Back again to the world of fare hikes.

bored

I’m bored today. come to think of it, I’ve been bored since yesterday.

today, we had our prodwork for pugad. we had the planning for the psych GA (I think) this Wednesday. not much people came though. I’m guessing no one wanted to act or be a haliparot. I can’t blame them. Hehe. The only ones present there were nikki, jacy, mabs, mace, lyn, ninx, frances, barre, anth and me. after that (around 1pm), I went to the chapel to pray and to visit DH (even though I knew no one was going to be there.) But, surprise!! I saw jaafgie going down his car and while walking to dh, the windows were open and the radio was playing, and guess what: there were more than ten people inside!! I was about to give everyone a huge HIIIIII!!!!!!! until I realized I didn’t recognize any of their faces. Then I saw mia pal’s face emerge. It turns out, she brought her other org there for planning and stuff. Haha. Funny. I only stayed for about 15 minutes cause it was about to rain and I promised Ma I’d be home before 1 pm. Whoops.

friday night

it's a friday night and i'm bored as hell. i don't have a gimik for tonight!!! =( that's new. canceled kasi ang party ni teacher marj. oh well, balon. may next time naman eh.

frustration ko ngayon: i'm supposed to be in bicol til sunday!!! climbing mount mayon, skipping school, etc. buhay...

dahil tinatamad ako magpost sa friendster:

huling whatever....

1. huling pinuntahan..
shangrila

2. huling pinakinggan..
shut up by the black eyed peas (coming from the OTHER tamabayan hehe)

3. huling ka-text..
keboi/siopao

4. huling kausap sa phone..
anth, bry and maita

5. huling kinain..
afritada

6. huling ininom..
tubig

7. huling pinanood..
wazzup, wazzup!! chaka boomtown

8. huling binasa..
lahat ng mga YM messages ko

9. huling ka-chat..
ngayon? si erick chaka si steph

8. huling kinaasaran..
wala akong gimik ngayon!!! nyeta...

9. huling niyakap..
jacy!!!

10. huling iniyakan...
can't remember... ah... yung libing ng lola ko

11. huling tinawanan..
si angel!!

12. huling nginitian..
tao sa tambayan: igi, angel, anna, ken

13. huling tinulungan..
hmm...

14. huling hinalikan..
sino nga ba?

15. huling minahal..
*sigh* [hahahaha!!!!]

long overdue

sabi nga ni drew (*sigh* hehe) long overdue na yung pic na 'to. awwww... brings back fond memories. at syempre sumingit lang ako sa picture. photographer lang po ako hindi caroler. hehe. go pugad sayk!!!! christmas '03 sa bahay ni drew.

comfort zones

speaking of comfort zones (a topic tong, mia and i have discussed THOROUGHLY], mia pal told me to read this article by conrado de quiros [in the philippine daily inquirer]. it's entitled "coming home" (published last may 13 2004). in it, he was talking about a Filipino (ibarra gutierrez) who took his masters in the states, but is coming back to teach in UP [woohoo!] let me share with you these 2 paragraphs that i really love:


I don't know that those who do decide to come home, or stay put, think "too badly" of those who don't. Gutierrez himself was very clear on the point. He has no problems with the overseas Filipino workers who are forced to work overseas as a matter of survival. He has problems with those who, like him, are forced only to choose between "renting a two-bedroom apartment in Quezon City or owning a sprawling house in a New Jersey suburb; of commuting on a UP-Pantranco jeepney or driving the latest model SUV; of making do with a Third World salary or insisting on being paid in the Almighty Dollar."

It is not love of family that drives one to choose the second, it is love of comfort. It is not sacrificing everything to feed family, it is sacrificing everything to feed ego.

great lines. good times, good taste. tanduay the number one rhum.

question: is rhum really spelled with an "H" or did they just add that because we live in the Philippines? you know, where all our names have "h's" in them. i'll try it with mine: lhei. breathy.

i'll expound on that topic more (comfort zones) when i can get my thoughts sorted out.

bum

today has probably been the FIRST saturday that i haven't done a single thing. i'm completely bored and feeling completely useless. dammit, i should have gone to calawis with sina mia, lala, laarni, jane. shit talaga, and to think i only had ONE freaking activity for the day-- the measurements for kuya lon's wedding. speaking of, he has a really CUTE designer (super gwapo) but he's gay. well, welcome to the story of my life. back to the calawis. i really should have gone. grrr... or i should have gone to baguio with ma, pa, kuya, ella and lafi. why ba didn't i go? i'm trying to be a good girl. note the trying... don't know if it's going to last, don't know if it's going to work. joy. another story of my life. oh, and another activity i missed: the PUGAD swimming thing in marikina. sayang talaga.

so, who here wants to hear the story of how my day went? ooo, joy, i can sense the excitement.

we (me, kuya lon and liro) had a simpsons marathon earlier, but i think i missed the first two episodes cause i was sleeping. amazing really how much words of wisdom you can get from our yellow-skinned friends, such as:

homer to marge: it takes two to lie. one to lie, and the other to listen.

honganaman...

liro and i (for lack of better things to do) watched extra challenge a while ago. ate gay, april boy and camille roxas were "sent" to prison. asteeg talaga. it's cool how extra challenge exposes the contestants to the different facets of life (i.e., something outside one's comfort zones <- a risk not a lot of us are willing to take) and it basically shows them what that life is really like. yun nga lang, they do it for the money or the cash prize or whatever. it sucks, but at the same time, at least meron na silang experience and exposure sa mga ganung klaseng sitwasyon.

pocha. eto na naman tayo.

words

for lack of a better title...

my friend, daps, sent me this poem (sorta) through ym. maganda siya, makes you think... nakakainis yung mga forwards na ganun, no?

anyway, here it is...

> There will always be a place and time where
> questions will be answered, words will be
> spoken, letters will be read, poems will be
> recited in the night, songs will be sung in
> harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and
> promises will be fulfilled.
>
> Somewhere, somehow, someday.

good, good... good, good

random thoughts before dinner:

- paull bettany is so cute (he's the guy who plays geoffrey chaucer in a knight's tale)

- i want to watch linkin park on june 16!!! (i'm a semi-closet fan: mishi and i were the linkin park pioneers in high school)

i've become so numb
i can't feel you there
i've become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
blah blah blah...

- cereal makes you full. Therefore i shall never eat it before dinner as merienda. how frustrating. i wasn't able to enjoy yayen's porkchop and bangus because i was suddenly craving for semi-soggy/semi-crunchy koko crunch.

aha. speaking of dinner, for some reason, my vocabulary consisted of only one word: good. I actually repeat the word thrice, and there's a specific way of saying it, kind of like the mine!-mine! birds in finding nemo. here's a bit of my conversation with lafi. clearly, i was enjoying myself, he wasn't.

me: good, good... good, good.

lafi: sige ka, i won't lend you k-zone.

me: good, good... good, good

lafi: ok, you just lost your chance at getting k-zone.

me: good, good... good, good

..or...

lafi: wow, if kuya gets a new car, that means his city will go to one of us!

me: good, good... good, good

lafi: to whoever gets a license! next year, i'll apply for a student's license! isn't that so cool?! driving at 16?! that's cool!

me: [silent]

lafi: you're not a very entertaining person

me: good, good... good, good

lafi: uggh!!!

that (above) also happens to be a sign that my younger brother is growing up. jeez, he's going to be sixteen next year?! i keep thinking he's still eleven. worrying about cars now. haha. i hope he suffers the same fate i did. i wanted to drive at sixteen too, but their were loads of complications. actually, bottom line is: i was just tamad. i kind of fell in love with commuting too, anyway. it sort of makes you one with everyone else. and i really think my whole view on life, society and Filipinos changed when i started to commute. i can't really explain how but i remember this one time (more than one time actually) where i just observed the passengers in the jeep, and all of a sudden, i'm hit with all these realizations. it sounds so conyotic.. but i dunno. it made me think about a lot of things. oh and about commuting, you don't need to drive your car when you're drunk. but at least when you commute (and you're with your friends), all they have to do is get you on that bus [or jeep], hold you steady, and make sure you vomit on all the right places, like the canal for instance and not the sidewalk or on other people.

whoops. too much info.

coño

current mood: crappy, bitchy, whiny, and of course, coño. hehe

music: bend and not break by dashboard confessional [a mark, a mission, a brand, a scar --courtesy of jemai]

I am fairly agile. I can bend and not break.
Or I can break and take it with a smile.
I am so resilient. I recover quickly.
I'll convince you soon that i am fine.

let me share some snippets of this day at home that brought about my coño mood.

1.) lala's joke

may isang coño daw, nagcomment, sa halip na "duh" ang sabihin, ang sabi niya... "THE!"

so everybody, say it with me: like, hello?! the!!!

2.) DMY (Don't Mess Yourself, from the simpsons a while ago)

lisa to principal skinner: ok, ok!! DMY!

principal skinner: i know what that means.

lisa: hmmm...

ok, everyone!! like, hello!! like, whatever!!

oh, thank you for YM moments with ja-ne (kahit 3 sentences lang :P), lala, barre, anth, {currently:) erick and mia (na kasama sina tong at cads)

woo-hoo

woohoo!! the lakers won!!! woohoo!! they're back in the finals!! woohoo!! WOOHOO!! 96-90 game 6 at the staples center against the minnesota timberwolves.

of course, everyone i talked to wasn't happy: kuya lon, liro, barre, anth...

haha. makes me smile.

ahahahahaha. a futile effort from lala to try and get me not to back out. thank you, though, lalz for making me smile.

i can't think of something long to write.

now i remember something. Mia pal has this stationery (from her sister, anya) and the design of the stationery is this:
I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT!!!

haha.

i keep telling saying that to mia everytime we talk about upsca and all the times i want[ed] to quit.

darn. the mouse is screwing up.

manila girl

i just realized something. i've been going all over freaking manila for the past three weeks!!

but i still get lost.

no naman, just... trying to convince myself here.

lengthy

people are starting to complain that my entries are too long, and therefore nakakatamad basahin. oh well.

sorry na lang kayo. talkative pa rin ako kahit hindi ako nagsasalita. hehe.

oh yan, jim, tagalog na.

pero hindi lahat. hehe

um, i'm trying to think of something to write that will cheer me up...

think... think.. think...

what made me happy today?

1.) barre and dio keeping me company in the pugad tambayan, even if they didn't have to.

2.) dio accompanying me to rodic's then to engg

3.) people who responded to my call of help (you know who you are!! thanks a bunch!! :D)

4.) barre dropping off the cake and the card

5.) rodic's, which makes the best tapsilog

me: "yaya petra, who was that boy i saw you talking with? the one who makes really good tapsilog? what's his name again? ro... ro... ro..."

allelu: "rodic, po, ma'm!"

---> reference to papuri 2004 [woohoo!!!]

6.) frances, nikki, dio and jacy for staying with me for the soprays

7.) lio being sopraysd. hehe... at naiyak, kahit ayaw niyang aminin. hehe

8.) barre helping me highlight the stars :D

9.) seeing the calawis kids :D

10.) adventure-ing in the UP infirmary with ja-ne, laarni, igi, abegail, louie and arlyn.

11.) igi, filling in my spot in the infirmary

12.) the lrt-2 which makes the rides soo fun!

13.) seeing the our lady of mt. carmel shrine parish again (such a beautiful church)

14.) ro-anne, accompanying us to PGH

15.) tong, for her flawless directions

16.) hiyas and kuya lon responding to my call of help

17.) hiyas, being able to give the med-ex to the kids

18.) hiyas' libre in the PGH canteen

19.) oh, jane's and igi's financial contributions, hehe

20.) the cashier at mini-stop katipunan for giving me 2 P50 (finally!)

21.) arriving safely in KNL

22.) going to bahay ganid

23.) being in bahay ganid with all those people (jim, tong, nanet, angel, manej, ana o, carlito, bas, dan, erick, chona, jonna, jane, lala, laarni, mia... hope i didn't leave anyone out.)

24.) nanet's icebreaker song (i forgot how it goes... something to do with lava)

25.) tricycle ride with tong and mia

26.) mia's libre in the bus and at shaw :D

hmm.. that's all i can think of. not that bad, should be pretty good actually...

SO, WHY THE HELL AM I FEELING LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!

quoting

haha. i watched about a boy on star last saturday. there is one line there that i absolutely love (and can absolutely relate with), it goes like this:

"oh no... no, you've always had that wrong. See, i really am this shallow."

hahaha.

i wondered if he was talking about me there.

make salita in pinoy

I was going through my old high school stuff when I saw an old Filipino quiz. Guess my score. one over ten. yup: 1/10 I’m not sure if I had a bad day that day, which caused me to screw up that test, or what…

Well, I don’t want to make any excuses. The point is, I really suck at Filipino.

Ask anyone who’s ever heard me speak the language. Something (or somethings) always go wrong. I pronounce it wrong, wrong verb tense… or it’s just completely screwed up.

I’ve tried to find the reasons why I’m so bad at the language. I remember when I was younger, I used to talk in Filipino at home, all the time, because of our helpers, even when everyone else was talking in English. To my village friends, I’d talk in Filipino. I guess it was only when I entered my school that I completely stopped.

Maybe it was also because I had this dream of becoming a voice actor when I was younger. I have this habit of copying what people say on TV-- their intonation, how they pronounce it, everything. Any tv show, any movie, any character, I would try SO hard just to be able to sound like them. And it just so happened that majority of the stuff I watched were in English, so I guess that had an effect on me.

I remember this one time, during grade 5, I was talking to Tina Yulo and Pat S. Then Tina whispered something to Pat. When I asked Tina what it was, she asked Pat “Don’t you think Lei has an American accent?” Then Pat says “Yeah!!” I remember feeling SO proud of that. Now, I have no idea why!

It wasn’t like we were given really crappy Filipino education in school, either. I mean I had a bunch of really good Filipino teachers. Well, actually no, I could only think of one good Filipino teacher. But that’s beside the point. The thing is, they all taught us the basics of the language and even more, so I don’t know why I struggle.

Maybe because I was such a crappy student. I realized that the only reason why I was able to pass Filipino in all my grade school years was simply because I did just enough to get a passing grade. Or, I did just enough to get a grade worthy of me not being grounded. I never really did good in school-- as long as I passed, as long as I wasn’t grounded, I was happy.

In high school though, I had a different tactic. Well, actually it usually was the combined efforts of the class. we’d beg and plead to our teachers not to give us written exams in Filipino because of our “ heavy load.” We’d always suggest plays, musicals, production numbers, sabayang pagbigkas-- ANYTHING, as long as we didn’t have a written test.

And then of course, there was the tactic of making sipsip to the teacher. It was a good thing our teacher in Filipino was our assistant class adviser so all we had to do was make bola and we’d get her good side. We’d surprise her, we’d talk to her after class, or we’d even make kwento in class just so she wouldn’t give us much to do.

It worked and I got through first year without having to exert much effort in Filipino class.

During my second year, though, it was a different story. I had the teacher I completely feared in high school. Somehow, no matter what I did to earn her good graces, she always saw right through me-- each and every tactic I’d use.

There was a time in class when she embarrassed me in front of everyone by pointing out my inability to speak in Filipino. That was also the quarter when I received my very first F in that subject. I always thought the reason why she was so dead frank to other people was to embarrass them, now I realize that it was a wake-up call. But I didn’t know that then, so what. Just 2 more quarters, and she won’t be my teacher anymore. Just bear with it.

Then third year came. I thought I’d try to exert some effort in improving my Filipino, then I realized I didn’t have to. Why? Cause to be quite frank, my teacher was just plain crap. She had no idea what she was talking about. At all. So I (actually, everyone) got an A for the first quarter without even trying. How about the succeeding quarters? Oh, I returned to my grade school tactics: doing just enough to keep my average from falling waay low. But that doesn’t mean I learned anything.

Fourth year came along. And guess who was my teacher. Surprise! Second year teacher! I thought to myself, “What the hell. Might as well give it a shot since I’m graduating anyway.” And only when I actually gave a little effort in that class did I realize how far behind I was from my classmates. Sure, they all had accents (well, majority anyway) when they talked in Filipino, but at least they got it right. Whenever we wrote essays in that class, my paper somehow seemed to be full of quotation marks from all the english words I put. And the ones who were particularly good in Filipino were so fed up with the way I used them as dictionaries.

So here I am, entering my second year of college in the University of the Philippines where EVERYONE speaks in Filipino, and mine sounds like… well… crap. And this is when I realize how much of my education I took for granted. And no matter how many excuses I make or how many reasons I think of, nothing can justify it. I threw my Filipino away.

And I have no one to blame but myself.

black eyed peas

i hate it when you start the day right (or spend most of it right) then towards the end, things just sort of screw up, and for no particular reason, little things suddenly start to bother you, such as:

1.) you weren't online enough today

2.) you didn't order anything in mcdo

3.) you, as usual, arrive in mcdo with your hair all over the place and looking like you just woke up (as always...)

4.)you can’t find the charger

5.) your lava lamp isn’t “lava-ing” fast enough

6.) you weren’t able to check your mail

7.) and most definitely, the black eyed peas did not show up on time

well, that’s all I can think of. crap, I really would have waited for the black eyed peas to show up, I REALLY would have waited for 3 more hours just to freaking see them (and hopefully get them to sign my tsinelas, though I know only cd inlays or posters are allowed) if I didn’t have to go to Mass at 7. as a result, mace and I left The Podium around 6 cause she too had to leave after waiting for nearly 2 hours.

while leaving the podium, mace and I spotted strabucks.

me: “mmmmm…. gusto ko ng starbucks…”

mace: “ako rin.”

then mace told me about an episode in oprah, where she featured this really rich family. what was funny was, they weren’t rich because they owned or operated a multi-national company or anything like that. when oprah asked them the secret of their success, they said “it’s not about what you earn, it’s about what you don’t spend.” that shut me up about my starbucks fixation. that is, until we passed Seattle’s Best and mace complained that there were too many coffee shops. I agree.

while walking to the shaw mrt station, we were trying to think of reasons to console ourselves since we realized we couldn’t have the black eyed peas, such as:

1.) well, at least we got time to spend with maita, barre and franco

2.) um, we got to enjoy the rapping “skills” of mike swift

mike: “I say right, you say ‘yeah’!!!…. right?”
audience: “yeah!!”

mike: “right???!!!”

audience: “yeah!!!”

and on and on….

mike: “I say black, you say eyed…. black??!!!!”

audience: “eyed!!!”

mike: “Peas…. awhhhh!!!!”

naks… how creative.

3.) the REALLY cute guy, who was rapping/singing along when the mobile started playing the APL song…. with a kid (hopefully, that’s his younger brother and not his son)

4.) the guy with the HUGE muscles in the blue sando. I would’ve found him cute if his muscles didn’t scare everyone off.

I can’t think of any more. hopefully, those 4 reasons compensated those little trivial things (above) that completely managed to tick me off.

I’m feeling better now, though, thanks to YM moments with jimabitch and sasha. oh and thanks to lala’s offline messages.

that’s all for now. now if only I can find another opportunity to get the black eyed peas’ autographs.

bitch pic

this is a pic of the three bitches (jona, jim, lei) taken a few hours (or hour) before my 18th birthday with the help of lala's trusty digicam. joy for digicams. they make things so much easier (although i'm not quite sure what things i'm talking about exactly.) oh, guess who i am there. don't i look drunk as hell? well, maybe because i was. hehe.

book i'm reading

the world according to garp by john irving. (that's a copy of our version)



i'm not yet done, i'm on chapter 7, page 183, marked by the area 51 postcard i got for P25 in Tower records, together with my outkast cd. anyway, that book was one of the few my sister managed to leave behind. I'm currently reading it alongside Hardy Boys #5: Hunting for Hidden Gold. Funny. Both provide me with my everyday dose of humor. How's John Irving? Weird. I have yet to find the reason why it's America's most jubilant bestseller. But "The Pension Grillpanzer" was quite interesting. I'm trying to go profound, though.

yeah, it's not working.

touring manila

What a day.

I seriously have no idea what is wrong with me. What in the world in my mind compels me to say yes to EVERYTHING??!!

ok. what happened today?

So we had the NYC thing, right? It was in Jollibee banawe. Why they chose jollibee when Mcdo is right next to their office is beyond me. Oh, i don't think MCdo has a party place. Could be, could be.

i don't really think that's important. This whole NYC thing is getting on my nerves already.

What was memorable was Mcdo with ja-ne, tong and laarni. I don't want to divulge anything but let's just say it's gonna shock the UPSCANS. hahahaha!!!

When we finally left Mcdo, Laarni suggested i ride with tong to go to quiapo or FEU or whatever. In her words, it was simpler than going back to edsa, riding the mrt, then taking another jeep. so, sure, ok!! i'm guessing they know more than i do! besides, i told tong there was a jeep from quiapo that goes straight to pasig. so, oo ba. and i assumed tong knew.

Oh, God. We were all so wrong.

tong asked me on the way to quiapo if i knew where the jeeps were. i told her it was near the church. Of course, i was totally relying on my memory from last Saturday when i accompanied Ma, elaine and ariel (both de guzmans) to divisoria and quiapo. But i had no previous experience whatsoever commuting from quiapo to pasig. Still, i was pretty confident we knew (or one of us did) what we were doing.

Of course, i forgot to tell tong, that i was sulking that whole saturday because i was the "service wench" (in joey's words) of Ma and therefore, paid very little attention to my surroundings. And i also forgot to tell her that things look so different when you're riding in a car, and you're not exactly walking the crowded streets of manila. Oh, also my time in the car was spent trying to find ways to fall asleep. I don't think i made a very productive contribution to our situation. ya think?

so, we got off at the church, and there, we were completely clueless... well, at least i was. i'm not sure though about tong. tong said "ok, lakad na lang tayo. alam ko may dumadaan dito eh..." We spent the next twenty minutes or so walking the streets of quiapo, then avenida, while making jokes about going to SM manila to watch shrek or ride the LRT and end up in edsa. Good thing tong decided she'd call her house to ask for directions. After that, we ended up walking even more to recto, and FINALLY!! we saw the jeeps marked Pasig Palengke. Thank you, God. Thank God for tong.

i seriously can't believe what i just did. That part was completely alien to me. I don't even remember going to avenida as a child, either in a car or any other way. And half the trip (or more) going back to Pasig was f-o-r-e-i-g-n. I spent that part of trip, chewing what was left of my long nails (i chewed a part of them yesterday while watching game 3 of the lakers-timberwolves series). I only relaxed when i saw the familiar signs of the shaw-mrt station, shangrila and 7-11 crossing. When i looked down on my lap, there were bits of my nails strew all over. Yeah, gross.

One thing i learned from all this, just take the safer route!! One that i know of!! Especially when i'm supposed to be online at that time.

But then, it does make me realize (even more so, lately) that i do live one hell of a sheltered life. And even though, you pass the same roads, life in the car is so much different than life on the streets.

see, it is a movie

.

here's a poster of the movie i found on the net. no, i haven't watched it. i read that it's great, though. crap, i'm becoming obsessed about this 'concubine' thing.

starting out

i really don't know what possessed me into starting a blog. i'm not really the type of person to jump in the internet frenzy stuff... then again, i guess i am ever since we got DSL internet. but look, it's just yahoo! mail, friendster and now, this. but look, it's just those three. i mean i don't subscribe to newsletters of starwars, harry potter and such... Well, i have enough junk mail as it is.

yeah, my random thoughts. joy.

why did I start a blog? yeah, these are the questions you should avoid when you start one. I think it scares the readers off, (if there are any.) And besides, do they really want to know?

Ok. so what do you want to know? My (sorry, our) computer is making funny noises. Poor guy, can’t take the stress of all of us using the computer. And this strange thing keeps popping out HELLO!! “Today is my Birthday” -and a bouncing yellow highlight that says “Greet me!” from Tacshapo. I’m guessing it’s a virus. Ack. We don’t need that. And it just stays there, stuck at the middle of the screen. Ah, now it’s gone. It’ll be back later.

What was I talking about again?

Oh, if any of you are wondering about my display name, concubine, here’s the reason why. For the longest time, that word was forever stuck in my head, I have no idea why. And when we had to give any random word for my CW10 class (Creative Writing for Beginners), that was the word I gave. My classmates and prof ended up laughing at me, and wondering how in the world did that come out of my mouth? I told them I didn’t know and said, “Concubine rhymes with porcupine.” More laughs from the class. Hahaha. I guess I was thinking about a book (I’m not sure if it’s a book or movie) called “Farewell, My Concubine.” I never watched/read it so I don’t know why it made such an impression on me.

About the “cereal for breakfast” URL, it was actually supposed to be just plain “cereal” (or concubine). Why? I could hear my younger brother eating cereal, right about now. I’m not quite sure if it’s Trix or Koko Krunch. Probably the former, that’s the one we opened a while ago. “Cereal for breakfast” was longer and it sounded catchier. It sounds like an emo band though. It could also be a tagline. I eat “cereal for breakfast.” No deep meanings, no deep philosophies about the title. I’ll think though, and see if profundity about my title hits me.

That’s about it. For now.