make salita in pinoy

I was going through my old high school stuff when I saw an old Filipino quiz. Guess my score. one over ten. yup: 1/10 I’m not sure if I had a bad day that day, which caused me to screw up that test, or what…

Well, I don’t want to make any excuses. The point is, I really suck at Filipino.

Ask anyone who’s ever heard me speak the language. Something (or somethings) always go wrong. I pronounce it wrong, wrong verb tense… or it’s just completely screwed up.

I’ve tried to find the reasons why I’m so bad at the language. I remember when I was younger, I used to talk in Filipino at home, all the time, because of our helpers, even when everyone else was talking in English. To my village friends, I’d talk in Filipino. I guess it was only when I entered my school that I completely stopped.

Maybe it was also because I had this dream of becoming a voice actor when I was younger. I have this habit of copying what people say on TV-- their intonation, how they pronounce it, everything. Any tv show, any movie, any character, I would try SO hard just to be able to sound like them. And it just so happened that majority of the stuff I watched were in English, so I guess that had an effect on me.

I remember this one time, during grade 5, I was talking to Tina Yulo and Pat S. Then Tina whispered something to Pat. When I asked Tina what it was, she asked Pat “Don’t you think Lei has an American accent?” Then Pat says “Yeah!!” I remember feeling SO proud of that. Now, I have no idea why!

It wasn’t like we were given really crappy Filipino education in school, either. I mean I had a bunch of really good Filipino teachers. Well, actually no, I could only think of one good Filipino teacher. But that’s beside the point. The thing is, they all taught us the basics of the language and even more, so I don’t know why I struggle.

Maybe because I was such a crappy student. I realized that the only reason why I was able to pass Filipino in all my grade school years was simply because I did just enough to get a passing grade. Or, I did just enough to get a grade worthy of me not being grounded. I never really did good in school-- as long as I passed, as long as I wasn’t grounded, I was happy.

In high school though, I had a different tactic. Well, actually it usually was the combined efforts of the class. we’d beg and plead to our teachers not to give us written exams in Filipino because of our “ heavy load.” We’d always suggest plays, musicals, production numbers, sabayang pagbigkas-- ANYTHING, as long as we didn’t have a written test.

And then of course, there was the tactic of making sipsip to the teacher. It was a good thing our teacher in Filipino was our assistant class adviser so all we had to do was make bola and we’d get her good side. We’d surprise her, we’d talk to her after class, or we’d even make kwento in class just so she wouldn’t give us much to do.

It worked and I got through first year without having to exert much effort in Filipino class.

During my second year, though, it was a different story. I had the teacher I completely feared in high school. Somehow, no matter what I did to earn her good graces, she always saw right through me-- each and every tactic I’d use.

There was a time in class when she embarrassed me in front of everyone by pointing out my inability to speak in Filipino. That was also the quarter when I received my very first F in that subject. I always thought the reason why she was so dead frank to other people was to embarrass them, now I realize that it was a wake-up call. But I didn’t know that then, so what. Just 2 more quarters, and she won’t be my teacher anymore. Just bear with it.

Then third year came. I thought I’d try to exert some effort in improving my Filipino, then I realized I didn’t have to. Why? Cause to be quite frank, my teacher was just plain crap. She had no idea what she was talking about. At all. So I (actually, everyone) got an A for the first quarter without even trying. How about the succeeding quarters? Oh, I returned to my grade school tactics: doing just enough to keep my average from falling waay low. But that doesn’t mean I learned anything.

Fourth year came along. And guess who was my teacher. Surprise! Second year teacher! I thought to myself, “What the hell. Might as well give it a shot since I’m graduating anyway.” And only when I actually gave a little effort in that class did I realize how far behind I was from my classmates. Sure, they all had accents (well, majority anyway) when they talked in Filipino, but at least they got it right. Whenever we wrote essays in that class, my paper somehow seemed to be full of quotation marks from all the english words I put. And the ones who were particularly good in Filipino were so fed up with the way I used them as dictionaries.

So here I am, entering my second year of college in the University of the Philippines where EVERYONE speaks in Filipino, and mine sounds like… well… crap. And this is when I realize how much of my education I took for granted. And no matter how many excuses I make or how many reasons I think of, nothing can justify it. I threw my Filipino away.

And I have no one to blame but myself.