one step forward, two steps backward

I nearly ended up writing 2 steps behind until i remembered that's a song. Uh yeah. Right.

In roughly a couple of weeks, I'll be saying goodbye to my fourth year life. I'll be saying goodbye to a lot of things actually. After four years, friends who I made in my first year of college (aka co-freshies, sophies in five year courses) are all leaving. Wow. Heavy drama. Fine. They'll be graduating. And moving on to the great unknown called the workplace. And I'll be saying goodbye to the familiarity, to the things I was so used to. And there it is. Effin change.

Back to the subject. That pretty much sums it up, I guess. And I try to think of something this year that i did that was worthwhile or worth recognizing and ho hum..

Father Jboy and Bro Bros said we were all put there for a reason, that we were never placed there if God didn't have a plan for us in the first place. I'm not questioning God and His plans (well, ok, fine, I am) but it is beyond understanding. Or at least my level of understanding. What have i realized? It was a truly humbling experience and something I don't think I will ever look back with much enthusiasm. But how that realization helps others or the world is beyond me. It's all been one selfish ploy. that's what this whole year has been about.

Haha. I'm being overly dramatic, aren't I?

And my lj is so overly pretentious. I hate myself there. While this is overly dramatic. I hate myself here too.

Or maybe because it's 4am?