it's been a while

Here's to sudden bouts of drowsiness/narcolepsy/whatnot these past few days that made me forget about everything I'm supposed to blog about. So now my thoughts are a muddled mess. And Nicole Kidman's hair in The Interpreter is not helping things.

Why is my playlist intent on playing all my oldies songs? I have yet to hear a song that was released during the 90s and onwards...

It's kind of funny how after 3 years of the same thing (more or less), it's only now that I've ever felt this lost and this alone. Something about being there in that situation kind of puts a lot of things in perspective. Come to think of it, what perspective am I talking about? I seem to have no perspective at all of what's been happening. Me being incompetent, Me lacking in self-confidence, me lacking trust in them, me being unable to get a grip on things inside, me being afraid of people seeing right through me, me being uncomfortable when God knows I shouldn't be.. God, who knows. And the thing is, I can't seem to pinpoint a particular thing. So strange.

There are times when I really wish I just didn't care. I wish I could go on with my life and not think about this. Not think about anyone, anything and just go on with my life. I've never been good at hanging on to things, yet after 3 years, here I am. Stuck here. C'mon, suck it up.

So there. In lots of vague sentences, that pretty much sums up what I've been feeling the past few weeks (and maybe months). But after a phone call, a lunch date and a homily... Let it be. Just relax. So this was what he was saying, how a homily always ends up giving us the answers when we're lost, when we're confused, when we need guidance.

That's not to say that things from now on will be simpler (when will they ever be?) or that things will change overnight.

Hm. I'm not quite sure how to end this entry. Let's just leave it hanging and wait and see.