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I have an exam tomorrow. My notes are on the net but God. God. God. We just had the alumni homecoming (or should I say presidents' homecoming) in upsca.

it frightens me. standing in front of everyone, talking about upsca, sweating profusely , stuttering, and absolutely wondering if i made any sense whatsoever. thank god for the others for saving my ass--again! how did i put myself in this situation, to be in front of people who have seen and experienced upsca's glory days? to be in front of presidents who have been such an integral part of upsca and all its glory and history. and wow. how the hell did i end up there?

hearing them speaking, knowing all the challenges that we have to face and are currently facing (yup, pandagdag lang yung sinabi ng mga alumni).. it scares me. it makes me apprehensive. but it excites me.

i don't know, save for a few, what the rest of the members think of everything that's happening in the organization. come to think of it, it frightens me that i don't have a grip on them, that i don't kow what they're thinking.

why are we so afraid of change? what have we got to lose? um.. a lot. haha. but is change always a bad thing?

these are just weird random thoughts. but i dunno. i hate how this feels, how i can feel so determined and passionate about this (wow. which i realized just now that it's a very good thing considering my passion fruit's been running really low these past months), but at the same time feel so useless because i have no idea what to do about it or how to go about it.

wait. rockstar supernova. be back in a bit.